Sara’s Postpartum Depression Story

This story about postpartum depression following a premature birth was submitted by Sara from Growing as a Mom.

Premature deliveries can be incredibly stressful on new moms.  In addition to healing from labor, new moms now have to worry about a baby with additional needs, and often miss out on precious bonding time in the early stages.

Read Sara’s story of how she had a difficult time adjusting to life with a new baby.  She also includes some helpful tips and advice for managing postpartum depression.

Sara's Postpartum Depression Story: Premature Birth
*This post may contain affiliate links*
*This is a guest post and all opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of Due to the nature of the topic, this post may contain graphic details that some may find disturbing.

The best way I can describe depression and anxiety disorder is like a dark, black, sadness filled hole where the light at the top represents everything your life is not. You keep climbing yet sinking deeper and deeper…. until you think this new way of living in this dark hole is just normal.

I woke up one morning and thought to myself “why even get out of bed? Why even try? I suck at being a mom, I suck at life and want to crawl into a hole somewhere and just sleep.”

The days were monotonous, my energy level was so low. I wasn’t eating, I was barely showering and full days went by where I did not get any fresh air. I started to have really bad anxiety.

Because of my son’s labor and delivery, I had constant panic about his well being. I also had no clue what I was doing as mom despite constant googling on the matter. Every sound he made, every small cry, was like a dagger straight to the heart. I couldn’t possibly protect him from everything, therefore something awful will inevitably happen to him so why even wait for that to happen? If anything happened to my son I would just kill myself.

I was blessed to have my amazing and supportive husband, but had no one else. I tried to hide my depression and anxiety from my husband, knowing he was tired too.

My son was premature and was taken to sick kids hospital right after birth. This traumatic experience would take a year to begin healing from. Plus, because of this separation, breast feeding was awful. My milk wouldn’t come in plus the hospital staff already had Titus used to bottle feeding. My physical condition was a nightmare. After my 40 stitches I was confined to a wheelchair for 4 days after delivery. I felt useless, exhausted and overwhelmingly sad that my son had to go through this. I could not look at him connected to his IV without completely breaking down.

After 5 days my husband and I got the amazing news that Titus could come home. We were over the moon. We put his tiny body in his huge car seat and set off.

Once we got home, reality set in. No nurses to help with feeding. No supervision so my husband and I could sleep. Titus was one of those perfect angels that only slept in 40 minute stints. We continued to struggle to breast feed. Usually ending in both of us crying while my husband went to warm up a bottle. Baby crying, breast feed attempt, bottle feeding, diaper change, more breast pump, baby crying, etc. etc. went on for weeks.

Sleep deprivation, poor appetite, stress and worry and constant “being on” takes it’s toll. For some becoming a new mom may come easier than others (I have yet to meet a mom that would say that…) but for me and many other moms it was shockingly unexpected how hard becoming a mom would be.

Then one day I broke. I laid on the couch, no tears, no drama in my voice, just certainty. I told my husband I was done living and wanted to die. I was finished. The world I lived in was dark and my son deserved so much better than me. I, as a person, did not matter anymore.

Postpartum Depression Guest Post Series 2018: Read & Submit a postpartum depression story

How Postpartum Depression Started

This is just life now. It’s brutally difficult and joy is non existent. The most important thing you can do for yourself and your family? Women with postpartum depression need help. This article is here to assist you in overcoming depression and anxiety.

I always thought depression and anxiety were a state of mind. Until I got postpartum depression after the birth of my son, Titus. I figured the pre-pregnancy Sara could use some chill out techniques and some self help books, but the post pregnancy me had a full blown mental imbalance.

I want to tell you that PPD is real, common and very, very hard to get out of.

Being a new mom, you have just been through the long, grueling experience of pregnancy. You probably haven’t slept well the past few months. You probably want your body back by now. You probably want to be able to take an Advil once in awhile! After the baby is born, you are thrown into this new life that is so unlike the baby books and anything on TV.

The Baby Blues vs Postpartum Depression vs No Postpartum Mood Disorder

Help for Postpartum Depression

I wanted to create this step by step guide on how to get out of the stay at home mom depression slump. You are an amazing woman, and you give 100% of yourself everyday. If your battery is constantly running on empty or your entire day revolves around everyone and everything but yourself, read this.

1. Super Mom

This is a mom that takes on every task and challenge at full throttle, does not stop to rest or eat or take care of herself. To the outside world she is remarkable, but she is tired, worn out and has lost her identity outside of being a mom. This kind of mom puts her all in to her role as a parent, but at what cost?

2. Momma Bear

Momma Bear refers to a mom that has probably experienced some sort of trauma during pregnancy or labor and delivery. Maybe a preexisting anxiety disorder was intensified by her new role as a mom. She thinks she needs to hang on to all aspects of her children’s lives with a steel grip. No one can take care of her children as good as she can and she worries constantly about their well being even in a safe setting.

3. The Postpartum Depression Mom

Again this probably started with trauma during pregnancy or the first year as a new mom. This mom never got the time to recover, and has been running on auto pilot ever since. The thought of being away from her kids for an hour terrifies her because outside of them, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself.

Can You Relate?

If you have experienced anything similar to the SuperMom, the Momma Bear or the Postpartum Depression Mom, it doesn’t have to be this way. You can be a mom and an individual at the same time!

Self Care Tips for Battling PPD

How To Find “You” Again

Here is a list to build yourself back up to the person that enjoys life and knows how to exist outside of her role as a mom.

1. Take the depression and anxiety test linked here.

If you score high, continue to follow the steps listed in my Depression Help article. Do not skip this step. After you have completed those steps, come back to this guide. If you did not score high, keep reading.

2. Get Your House Organized

I know this is a big task. I want you to put other outside commitments aside for now and spend nap time or the evening tidying and organizing your surroundings.

I want you to watch this video here:  Tips for Living Simply & Minimalism with Kids

Declutter and get your house feeling fresher. Take your time and remember to eat and stay hydrated.

3. Find Reliable Child Care

If you do not already have a daycare or babysitter that your child can visit, set this up now. If you feel you cannot afford this, try enlisting a friend or family member. We are talking about ONE day to start.

Look on, Google, a local Daycare, talk to other moms about who they use. Set this up, do a tour with your child and put a date on the calendar. ONE day. If you identified with any of the 3 Mom terms you saw above, remember that the fear and panic at the thought of your child being at daycare is the ‘Mom term’ talking.

4. Have A Date… With Yourself

Now that you have completed the steps in the depression checklist (if needed) and your house has been ‘simplified’, send that kid to daycare for the day. I want you to give yourself a makeover.

Make a coffee, drink it while you do your nails. Have a shower, shave and apply a homemade hair mask. While the hair mask is setting, sit in front of the mirror. Pluck those brows, moisturize and put on perfume. Now rinse that hair mask and do your makeup. Get dressed in normal clothes. Do your hair.

Now take yourself out of the house somewhere that would be nice without the kids. DO NOT run an errand. Go shopping, go for a walk. Smile at everyone you see.

The point is that YOU did it. You are a person in this world, and a very important one.

5. Go to a Playgroup

If you have an early learning center around, go there. If not, look in to churches. Many of them have an open to the public playgroup once a week.

When you get there, smile at the other moms. Even moms that look put together may feel just like you underneath that perfectly curled hair. Talk to them. Maybe look for the mom that is alone just playing with her child. Give her a compliment and start a conversation. Keep at this. The point is to get out in the Mom community.

When I was suffering with Postpartum Depression, someone gave me this advice. They said to take baby to a playgroup, get out there in the world. I was terrified. I got to the playgroup and sat down a midst the circle of other parents. I saw them all smiling and playing with their kids. Almost immediately the walls started closing in on me. I don’t fit in here! They all look happy…what am I doing wrong? I figured they were all judging how terrible I was at this mom thing, I grabbed my baby and I ran out to my car crying.

It is OK to be scared. It is not OK to isolate yourself. I promise you, those other moms don’t care what you’re wearing or how big those bags are under your eyes. And if your baby starts causing a fuss, they will think you are brave and admire your ability to deal with it.

6. Find a Sitter

Take that babysitter you found earlier and go for dinner. If you are a single mom, ask a friend. On this date night, do not look at your phone for babysitter updates on whether your child finished their grilled cheese or made a poopy. Act silly, laugh, breath, and let yourself relax.

Does it say anywhere in anything you have read that Moms should be slaves at home and are not allowed to have fun? No. Do not feel guilty getting a babysitter. Even for an hour. Get out there!

End Your Depression Book

How is it going so far?

Let’s recap. You have identified what type of mom troubles you are suffering from with the defined list of 3 Mom terms. You have checked your mental health with a professional if you are suffering from depression and anxiety. Your house is in better shape, you have cleaned yourself up, and you are starting to venture out of the house without your kids.

Great work! I am so proud of you!

Remember to stay patient. You probably lost yourself somewhere between pregnancy and the toddler years. That’s a long time! You are not going to feel better after one day. Keep going….

7. Find a Passion

Brainstorm ideas you can be passionate about outside of your kids and partner. Something just for you.

Here are some of my favorites:


walking with headphones and music or audio book

blogging or journaling


making gifts for other people like scrapbooks or crafts

making essential oil products like lotions and bath bombs


8. Take the Time

Implement an hour a day to do your hobby. Maybe you get up an hour earlier (yuck!) or use nap time. The dishes aren’t going anywhere and blind yourself to any window smudges or dust you may see. Don’t be SuperMom!

9. Daily Practices to Battle PPD

Avoid isolation. If you feel like you do not want to leave the house, that’s OK for now. But Face-time, call a friend, join a mom forum, just interact with other humans.

Stay hydrated. It is easy to neglect yourself with a newborn demanding your attention. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to drink a glass of water every 2 hours throughout the day.

Work on your hygiene. When baby is sleeping, or in the swing, or husband is home, etc. brush your teeth, wash your face, better yet…have a shower! Blow dry your hair and get dressed. Now look in the mirror and congratulate yourself on how well you clean up!

Eat something. Some good advice out there is during your pregnancy to freeze already made meals for when you don’t want to cook or don’t have the time. Now is the time to dig through that freezer. PPD may make you feel not hungry, but find a way to nourish your body. Sip on a smoothie, order pizza, whatever! Just eat.

Do some skin to skin with your baby. Turn on a good TV series and strip off those clothes. Grab baby and a blanket and snuggle up chest to chest. Get those love vibes flowing and hopefully you can both drift off to sleep in each others arms.

10. Balance Your Life

I want you to picture yourself as a computer hard drive. Every computer has a hard drive filled with programs, software, internal memory, etc. If you were to make up a pie graph of this hard drive and the things that are taking up space.

Sara's Postpartum Depression Story

Now I want you to be that hard drive. Make a pie chart of all the things that take up “You” on a daily basis. Your task now is to find your balance. What is taking up too much of your time and what should probably take up more. Is cleaning taking up a lot of space but personal hygiene or self care is at a 2%?

Sara's Postpartum Depression Story

Tweak this pie graph and play with the numbers until it works in your favor. Now print it and put it somewhere you will see it everyday. Work towards this goal because you matter so much.

11. Do You Need Medication?

Do not be afraid of medication. If part of your doctors plan of attack for PPD is to start you on an anti-depressant, it may just be exactly what you need. After having been on birth control for a long time, then an anti-depressant in my 20’s, then through the hormonal changes of pregnancy…my brain chemistry was so out of whack that I needed medication. I was not going to come out of depression without it. My medication saved my life and I do not regret starting it one bit.

Sara | Growing As A Mom
Sara | Growing As A Mom

Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had. It took me 2 years to find myself again after the birth of my son.

Remember, this is an ongoing process. Emulate for your children how important loving yourself is. No one benefits from a depressed mother.

Invest in yourself and I promise you will be glad you did.


[Read more from Sara at]

If you have a postpartum depression story to share, Running in Triangles wants to help.

Submit a your postpartum depression story to
Click here for more information

Adrienne’s Postpartum Depression Story

Adrienne from Peace of Mom talks about grief and postpartum depression.

Grief and loss are one of the biggest triggers of depression, not just in postpartum mothers, but for anyone, in any stage of life.  Pregnant and postpartum mothers are especially susceptible to depression when tragedy strikes, due to those fluctuating hormone levels.  I can relate to Adrienne’s story because I, too, lost my grandfather when I was 6 months pregnant with my third child and suffered a major postpartum depression relapse.

Adrienne's Postpartum Depression Story
* This post may contain affiliate links *
* This is a guest post and all opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of  Due to the nature of the topic, this post may contain graphic details that some may find disturbing.

If you’ve ever heard the expression, “A phone call could change your life,” know that it is absolutely, positively true…

As I sat in the hard plastic chair of the pediatrician’s office, looking down at my sleeping two-week-old baby, it came. My mom, proud new grandma that she was, joined me on my daughter’s very first doctor’s visit. We had lovingly dressed her in pink, ruffle-y pajamas with faux ballet shoe feet. I was so proud of myself for leaving the house for the very first time since having her, happy that the spinal headache-an unending migraine I received as a complication from my epidural-was finally subsiding after nearly 12 days of constant pain.

My mom was smiling as her cell phone rang, eager to talk to her brother about her brand new little love.

“Hello?” she said, ready to gush about her granddaughter’s cuteness.

[I could hear my uncle clearly through the phone and I will never forget the sound of his voice, the pitch of his tone, or the scream that rang out after the call.]

“Listen,” he said. “Daddy passed away last night.”

My grandpa was 87 years old. He had a heart attack, alone in his house, sitting up at his kitchen table. Given his age, it doesn’t sound like a shocking proposition-except that grandpa acted like a young man. Just a week before, he climbed a ladder on top of his roof to repair it. His own mother had lived until 101, was actually featured on her 100th birthday on the Today Show. We thought Grandpa was going to live forever.

My grandpa was a second father to me, was the person in my life who always made it feel like everything was going to be ok. I was his “Bub”-I never asked him what it meant, because I knew it meant he loved me, and that’s all that mattered. Whenever I needed encouragement, his eyes would twinkle and his lips would curl into a smile. “You can do that,” he would always say. And, because of him, I believed I could.

I was lost without him.

On the night before his wake, my daughter’s umbilical cord fell off. My breasts leaked all over my blouse on the day of his funeral because I was so new to breastfeeding and didn’t think to pump. One of my mom’s friends held my hands as we stood in front of the coffin and said, “Do you feel like a mother now?” I said yes, but inside I only felt numb; I didn’t feel like a mother at all, which only added to my shame.

I wish I could say that the worst ended there, but that’s not true. I was grieving, but I didn’t want to cry in front of my baby, my baby who refused to go down for a nap, who I held as she slept. I was never alone, so I wouldn’t allow myself to cry and let it out.

14 Ways to Help a Mother with Postpartum Depression
Here’s how to help

For the first two weeks, my mom had helped me transition into becoming a mother, teaching me all the little things you can never learn in the books.

I needed her help so desperately, but after Grandpa died she was grieving herself, and, although she did her best, was mostly unable to help.

I was all alone with a colicky baby and a tremendous grief in my heart.

My husband worked very long hours, so there would be days I would be alone, for 12 hour days. I had a constant companion in my arms, at my breast, and yet I never felt so alone in my life.

If you didn’t have a colic baby, you would never believe this, but it’s true: colic babies sometimes cry all the time. There were days that I couldn’t wait to feed my daughter, just so her mouth was occupied and she wouldn’t scream at the top of her lungs.

After a few weeks, I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I just couldn’t get up another day and do it all over again. I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this! became my constant mantra.

But, one day, it hit me: I thought, “I have to do this because I’m the only one who can take care of my daughter. I need to get better because I need to take care of her.”

Thankfully, I did. I already had an excellent therapist and she encouraged me to join a PPD support group. Those meetings were a godsend because women who had survived and triumphed were there too.

I learned the most important thing of all for a PPD sufferer: It gets better.

Self Care Tips for Battling PPD
Self Care Tips & Advice

In therapy, I worked on learning how to take better care of myself. It took me over a year to learn how to do it and make the time for it, but I learned and I began to triumph too. I learned to enjoy my daughter and my life with her, instead of dreading the days. I learned how to feel like myself again. I learned how to be a better version of myself because I learned how to take care of myself.

Now, four years and two kids later, I have begun to devote my time to teaching other mothers what I learned during that time. I started a website called Peace of Mom, which teaches all moms how to take better care of themselves-because self-care saved me.

[Read more from Adrienne at]

If you have a postpartum depression story to share, Running in Triangles wants to help.

Submit a your postpartum depression story to
Click here for more information

Kisha’s Postpartum Depression Story

Kisha Gulley of The Kisha Project shares her story of the struggles that left her feeling less than joyous after the birth of her son.

Pregnancy complications and breastfeeding problems are reported by so many women with postpartum depression.  The added pressure to breastfeed also creates a difficult situation for mothers who are faced with the decision of whether to start antidepressants or continue breastfeeding.

Kisha's Postpartum Depression Story - Guest post by Kisha Gulley

* This post may contain affiliate links *

* This is a guest post and all opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of  Due to the nature of the topic, this post may contain graphic details that some may find disturbing.

When I found out I was pregnant it was the happiest day of my life. A woman knows her body. I always knew something was a little “off.” So when I took the home pregnancy test I wasn’t surprised. I immediately called my husband to tell him. He just so happened to be on a guy’s trip that he and his friends take every year. So they spent the weekend celebrating.

11 effects hyperemesis gravidarum has on a pregnant body

At exactly 6 weeks my morning sickness kicked in with a vengeance. As a first time mom I had no idea what to expect. Everything I read and everyone I talked to told me that it would go away in my 2nd trimester, but it didn’t. I was sick and miserable everyday. I ended up in the hospital for dehydration.

I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I absolutely hated being pregnant. I couldn’t share that with anyone because everybody else had fairly easy pregnancies. Even if they felt a little sick they would always say “but it’s all worth it.” I know it’s worth it, but I still don’t like it.

I got admitted to the hospital at 35 weeks for high blood pressure. I was praying that I could keep him in a little longer.

At 36 weeks at exactly 12:01 I went into labor. I ended up having a c-section but my baby boy was healthy.

After all of the necessary checks were done one of the first things I did was have skin to skin bonding with my baby. It was an amazing experience.

I had to stay in the hospital an extra week because I was having some issues with my kidneys. The entire time I tried breastfeeding my baby. Even though nothing was coming out I did it religiously anyway. The nurses had to give me donor milk for my son because he needed to eat.

How, When & Why to Do Breast Compression

Once we got home I thought my milk would come in and everything would be normal. I mean, why wouldn’t it? It’s not like breastfeeding would ever be a problem for me. Right?

We set our alarm for every 3 hours. We found it easier to wake up before the baby so that I could feed him. Waking up was the easy part.

I wasn’t producing enough milk to feed my son. I tried every lactation cookie recipe I could find… fenugreek, pumping around the clock, went to 3 lactation specialists, everything known to woman.  Nothing was working.

I was depressed and frustrated. My husband tried to help me, but what could he do? I had one job right? Every mom I tried to talk to about the situation had no idea what I was feeling. They might have been tired of breastfeeding, but at least they could.

I felt hopeless, tired, and in pain. I got to a point where I never left the house. My husband is a pilot and he had gone back to work. So I was alone all of the time. I wouldn’t leave the house when he was gone which was sometimes 4 or more days.

I just sat in the house and cried. I couldn’t tell my husband because I didn’t want him to worry about us while he was gone. I’m a stay at home mom, the least I could do is take care of our child while he was at work. I mean I only had one job. Right?


I felt even worse because this was supposed to be such a happy time in my life. I mean I love my baby and I wanted him more than anything so I couldn’t understand why I was always crying.

I have been depressed most of my life, but I was happy now so this wasn’t supposed to be happening.

When I finally got the nerve up to leave my house I made it a point to not be out for longer than an hour because I couldn’t handle it.

End Your Depression Book

One day I went to see my ob/gyn for a routine visit. As soon as he saw me he said “I know you well enough to know that you are not okay, talk to me.” All I could do was cry. I spent the entire appointment crying. After I told him EVERYTHING that had been going on he said to me “It’s okay, what’s best for your baby is that YOU are okay.”

For the first time someone was telling me it was okay. A Man. I had only been talking to women about my issues with breastfeeding because what would a man know. He wanted to put me on anti-depressants but I would have to stop breastfeeding. I couldn’t do that. That would make me worse. Can you imagine what people would say?

Advertisements, medical professionals, even friends are always stressing the importance of breastfeeding. However nobody ever tells you that if you CAN’T breastfeed then it’s okay. That being FED is what’s best for your baby. That your mental health is what’s important.

I’m off of the anti-depressants now but I still take it one day at a time.

[Read more from Kisha at]

If you have a postpartum depression story to share, Running in Triangles wants to help.

Submit a your postpartum depression story to
Click here for more information

Kara’s Postpartum Depression Story

Here is a heartfelt and emotional postpartum depression story by Kara Wellman of Moms Gone Outdoors.

Kara’s struggle will resonate with a lot of young mothers who never expected postpartum depression to happen to them.  She didn’t start getting better until she decided to take control and put effort into her treatment, finally finding something that worked for her.

Accepting and acknowledging postpartum depression is the first step on a long road to recovery.

I hope you are inspired by Kara’s story…

A guest post by Kara Wellman of

*This post may contain affiliate links* *This is a guest post and all opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of Due to the nature of the topic, this post may contain graphic details that some may find disturbing.

My story of postpartum depression started in a quiet hospital room, early on a Thursday afternoon in May. I was twenty years old and had just finished my last final of the semester the morning before. It was 2:24 pm when they handed her soft, tiny body up to me. I had barely felt the labor, and I barely felt anything as she rested on my chest.

I remember thinking that I should be crying, like all the beautiful women captured in the first moments of motherhood by birth photographers. I didn’t have one those. I just had my husband to one side, my mother to the other, and my 17-year-old sister hiding behind her iPad since attending the birth was just barely better than a day stuck in school.

It’s not to say that I didn’t love her then. I mean, she pooped all over my hand and I didn’t even care. If you knew me, you’d understand how big of a deal that is. I loved her, but I was young. I was still trying to fathom the gravity of what just happened.

As all my friends were gearing up for a summer of secret night-drinking and lazy river-beach days, I was learning how to breast feed and budgeting diapers out of our paychecks. They had their lives in front of them, and I had my daughter’s in front of me.

The PPD was something that snuck up.

I didn’t have a history of mental illness, and that fact made it very difficult to recognize the symptoms. The first time I talked to a doctor was when she was six months old. I had what I thought was a panic attack during our road-trip to see my husband’s family in Montana. I was given an anti-anxiety med to take as I needed. I think I only ever took three pills from that bottle.

Later, I’d find out that what I experienced then, was nothing compared to what I’d let myself go through in the future.

As life moved on and my beautiful little girl grew, so much of my life crashed down around me. I’m a perfectionist by nature, which I fully believe was one of the biggest contributing factors.

I felt I needed to be super-human, super-mom, super-student, super-everything.

At one point, I maintained a 4.0 in college as an English major, worked three part-time jobs, did all the cooking and cleaning, and raised my daughter.

But, my credit score was plummeting as I charged my over-expensive organic grocery bills and filled my closet with clothes just because getting a package in the mail gave me a joyous rush.

My weight jumped up and down as I’d binge for a few weeks, then starve myself for others.

My marriage started to crumble, as my husband didn’t understand why I was so upset all the time and was preoccupied with the recent death of his mother.  I even told him I didn’t love him anymore. I realized later that it wasn’t that I didn’t love him, but that I didn’t feel anything anymore.

we often push away the ones we need the most

I went to the doctor on and off. I went to a counselor on and off. I took different medications. I tried different forms of birth control. Nothing changed. I’d have high-functioning anxiety during the semester and crash into depression during every break.

It got to the point where I held a knife blade to my wrists after one grueling week of work, and bills, and papers due. I pressed lightly as tears streamed down my face, chest heaving. It was the lowest I had ever felt. It was about 3:45 in the afternoon. I had to pick up my daughter from daycare at 4. It was the only thing that made me fold the knife back, and set it on the table.
I held her extra close that night. I knew I needed to do something to help myself. If not for me at that point, then for her.

I went to a new doctor and was given another brand of medication. I also started to put effort into researching different options. I didn’t want to be on a daily medication forever, so I started a yoga practice and promised myself I would get outside to walk more.

I didn’t feel much of a change until we went on another road trip the following summer— this time to the Oregon coast and through Montana on our way home. We hiked every day, by the ocean, through tall pine forests, and to waterfalls hidden in the mountains.

I was exhausted the end of every day, but I felt happy. It was a genuine happiness that I hadn’t felt in years. I knew I had found my saving grace.

The mountains, rivers, plains, and trees. They were what I needed. Each step I took on those days brought me closer to the point of healing. While I will never assume what worked for me will work for everyone, nor that getting outside is all that is needed to heal a major depressive disorder, I know it can help. And I think it can help everyone. Bathing in the glory of nature can help start the healing processes.

I’m 24 now. In September, I gave birth to my second daughter. I’m still young, but this labor, I felt everything—every moment, every pain, every burn. I cried as she laid her head on my chest, with her dark eyes looking up at me.

I have every second since I decided to put that knife down to thank for that quiet, beautiful moment with her. I can’t say that PPD won’t recur this time around, but never again will I let it try to take my life. My girls, my husband, and I have too many trails left to see.

[Read more from Kara at]

If you have a postpartum depression story to share, Running in Triangles wants to help.

Submit a your postpartum depression story to
Click here for more information

Vanessa’s Postpartum Depression Story

My postpartum depression story begins with the pregnancy of my second child.  I had a mild case of the baby blues with my first and, at the time, I was very worried about my mental state.   Little did I know, it was nothing compared to the dark path that is postpartum depression…

*This post may contain affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I will earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.

**Furthermore, I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. I am simply a mother who has been there and lived to tell the tale.

The pregnancy test came back positive shortly after my only sister got engaged.  I was devastated.  Now, I was going to have to stuff my postpartum body into a breastfeeding-friendly bridesmaid dress.  I wouldn’t get to drink and party all night.  It sounds selfish and it was.  But I really wanted that one last hurrah before becoming a mother of two.

I should have been thrilled that I was pregnant again because before conceiving my first child, I miscarried twice.  I grieved for those babies and would have given anything to meet them.  And if I had gotten pregnant after my sister’s wedding, then I would have been thrilled, but…

the timing could not have been worse.

I contemplated terminating the pregnancy but just couldn’t do it.  So I secretly hoped that I would miscarry instead.

For a while, I ignored the pregnancy.  I didn’t count weeks or read books like I had done with my first.  I, once again, suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum, which made me resent the pregnancy even more.  Being so sick meant that I couldn’t take care of my toddler son or cook for my husband.  The guilt started to pile up.  At the end of my first trimester, the baby was thriving and I was sick, dehydrated and depressed.

I sought help for what my doctor described as prenatal depression(depression during pregnancy).   I saw a therapist once a week, but I don’t feel like I got much out of our sessions.  If anything, it was just a safe place to cry for an hour.  When my doctor asked if the sessions helped, I lied and said yes because I didn’t want to be difficult.

Why did I lie?

Somehow I managed to fake smile through the 9 long months.  I chose to deliver at a birth center with a midwife.  I never told them about the prenatal depression.  They were mothers themselves and they thought of birth as beautiful and natural – I didn’t want to be that one pessimistic mother with mental health issues.

My daughter was born in 2 hours and 4 minutes from the start of the first contraction.  I barely made it to the birth center, in fact I was certain I would deliver in the car on the way there.  It was the single, most traumatic experience of my entire life.

Read more about it here.

The first few months after she was born were similar to the 9 months of pregnancy…

I didn’t think too much about it.  I didn’t feel too much about it.  I fed her and changed her and did all the things for her that I needed to do but I didn’t connect with her nor did I feel any desire to. I made sure to keep busy so that I didn’t have to spend too much time with her.  I played with my son while I nursed her and rarely made eye contact with her.

I wasn’t sad, but I wasn’t happy either.  I felt zero emotions when I was with her.

My sister’s wedding came and went and I fake smiled and showed off my beautiful baby girl and put my hand over my heart when everyone told me how blessed I was.

And then, I wasn’t so busy anymore.  And all of the emotions that were locked up over the past few months wanted out.  Instead of feeling nothing – I felt everything – as though I was carrying the world on my shoulders and I couldn’t bear it.

My three month old refused to sleep.

She refused to be put down.

She refused to drink from a bottle.

She cried if anyone touched her, smiled at her or looked in her direction.

She and I were just two miserable beings who cried all day long.

Except when people came to visit.  Then she was fine, and I was fine, and everything was fine.  At least, that’s what we told them…

But when no one else was around, when it was just her and I, crying together… those were the moments I feared the most.  In my exhausted state, my mind would take over think things like:

I should have gone through with that abortion.

Things would be so much better if she never existed.

Would she stop crying if I just threw her out the window?

Maybe I will run away and never came back!

And then I would punish myself for being such a terrible mother. 

I didn’t know that it was postpartum depression.  I truly believed that I was just a bad person.

My husband, who had been there supporting me through all of it, (and feeling helpless I’m sure) finally told me that something wasn’t right.

I couldn’t have done it alone

I spoke to my doctor.  He agreed that it was postpartum depression and advised me that if I was to start anti-depressants, it meant that I would have to stop breastfeeding. [The fact that he gave me a choice in the matter meant he truly had no idea how bad it really was.  If I had actually told him all the things that were going through my mind, he would have demanded that I start anti-depressants immediately.] 

But I had already convinced myself that I was a terrible mother, and stopping breastfeeding just to take some pills was something a terrible mother would do.  So, in an effort to try to do right by my daughter, I chose to keep breastfeeding instead.

When my daughter was 6 months old, my husband and I decided to move 9 hours away from our hometown.  In my right mind, I would never have agreed to the move because I needed the support of our families more than ever.  But in my postpartum depression mind, I wanted to be far away from anyone and everyone.

That was 5 years ago and my battle with postpartum depression is ongoing.
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Over the years it has gone from very, very bad to non-existent and I don’t know if it will ever completely go away.  I try my hardest to maintain a good self-care routine but there are still things that make it better and things that make it worse.

Pain is the biggest trigger for me, so my recent struggle with endometriosis caused one of the largest relapses I’ve experienced in a long time.

I still take anti-depressants daily and while I hope that it won’t be forever, I realize that I will never be the same person I was before postpartum depression.

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Believe it or not, I am thankful for the struggle.

I look at my gorgeous, brilliant, 5 year old daughter and I am thankful that a greater power guided me to keep her.

I am thankful that I am not haunted by the dark memories of the worst days.

I am thankful that my husband and I were given “bad times” to get through together.

And mostly, I am thankful that my struggle inspired me to help others.

Thank you for reading my postpartum depression story.

If it inspired you in any way, then I am glad to have written it, as hard as it was to do.   You can read more inspiring stories about postpartum depression and other maternal mental health disorders here

A compilation of posts from bloggers who have bravely told their postpartum depression story
A compilation of postpartum depression posts from other talented bloggers

For more information on how I can help you tell your story, please click here.

The Ultimate Collection of Postpartum Depression Stories

I am a huge believer in speaking out about postpartum depression and other maternal mental health disorders such as perinatal depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD and postpartum psychosis.

Mothers should not have to suffer alone, yet so many women do because they are ashamed of speaking up due to the stigma that surrounds these disorders. [Related post: 9 Reasons Why Mothers Don’t Speak Up About Having Postpartum Depression]

It’s time to change that…

It has become my mission to collect and share the stories of women who have battled mental health disorders along their journey through motherhood.

Many of those women are talented mom bloggers who know how important it is to speak out, and I’ve shared their stories below as inspiration.

But so many of them are not and have no idea where or how to begin speaking out about their pain.

If you are interested in sharing your story about a postpartum mood disorder, I want to help.  Please click here for more information.

Here you will find a constantly updated list of posts from other brave bloggers who have decided not to keep silent about their battle with postpartum depression and other mood disorders. 

I hope these will inspire you to write your own story and know that you are not alone in this.

A compilation of posts from bloggers who have bravely told their postpartum depression story
* This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.

** Furthermore, I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. I am simply a mother who has been there and lived to tell the tale.

A compilation of posts from bloggers sharing their postpartum depression story.

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Prenatal Depression: A Tale of an Unhappy Pregnancy  *NEW*

[added March 12, 2018]
This is a guest post that I wrote for Mummy It’s Ok about my struggle with prenatal depression while pregnant with my second child.  Pregnancy is normally looked upon as a happy time for most women, but unfortunately, not for everyone.

Adrienne’s Postpartum Depression Story 

[added February 13, 2018]
Adrienne from Peace of Mom experienced the loss of a loved one shortly after giving birth.  She talks about what it was like to grieve while caring for a colicky baby and suffering from postpartum depression.

Surviving the Darkness Series from Muddy Boots & Diamonds 

[added January 30, 2018]
Emma from Muddy Boots & Diamonds is running a series on her website called Surviving the Darkness that’s open to survivors of Perinatal (Postpartum) Mood & Anxiety Disorders.  You can read some of the interviews and take part in the series to help spread PMAD awareness.

Read the interview I wrote for this series here – Surviving Prenatal & Postpartum Depression: Vanessa’s Story

Kate’s Postpartum Depression Video

[added January 25, 2018]
This emotional video was submitted to me by Kate, who suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of her second child and came very close to taking her own life.

Kisha’s Postpartum Depression Story 

[added January 22, 2018]
Kisha from The Kisha Project shares her story for the first time in a moving post about how unexpected postpartum depression can be, even if you’ve battled with depression before.

Kara’s Postpartum Depression Story

[added January 03, 2018]
The first postpartum depression guest post submission on Running in Triangles.  Kara from Moms Gone Outdoors tells her emotional tale of battling the pressures of school while trying to raise a baby at a young age.

Vanessa’s Postpartum Depression Story

[added December 14, 2017]
The first in a series of posts offered on Running in Triangles – this is my own personal story.  Even after dealing with prenatal depression while pregnant with my second child, I did not expect actual, full blown postpartum depression.  

Postpartum Depression in India is Real – I have experienced it, have you?

Anjana from Mommy Republic talks about how she suffered from postpartum depression despite having a supporting husband and plenty of help during her first few months postpartum.

How to Overcome Fear & Worry: My Journey Through Post-Partum Depression

Lauren from Lil’ Olive Tree shares a powerful story of how her faith helped her get through a dark time in her life. 

Postpartum Depression – Adventures with Zoloft

Bailey from Simply Mom Bailey expresses a concern many other mothers have during their battle with postpartum depression – whether or not to start taking antidepressants.

When the Baby Blues Don’t Go Away

Shawna from MishMash Mommy can relate to many other mothers out there who put off seeking help because they’re waiting for the baby blues to pass.  

This is My Postpartum Anxiety

Alaina from Mom Eh! shares her story of battling postpartum anxiety, which is different than postpartum depression and gets even less awareness.

Dear Overwhelmed Mom, You Are Not Alone

Jessica from Life of a Cherry Wife was like most women who assume postpartum depression will never happen to them.  In this post, she offers words of support to women who feel completely overwhelmed by motherhood.  

The Truth About Postpartum Depression

Jen from Modest House, Extraordinary Home does a great job of explaining all the different ways postpartum depression affected her.

Postpartum Depression: Signs and Treatment

Aubree from A Mother’s Field Guide wrote this awesome post packed with information about postpartum depression, followed by her own journey.  She, like many women, battled with depression prior to getting pregnant.

My Struggle with Post Natal Anxiety

Taylah from The Tired Mumma Blog did not suffer from postpartum depression at all, but her postnatal (postpartum) anxiety caused an entirely different level of stress in her life.

PPD: Real Stories; Real Sadness; Real Life

Kristin from This Wife and Mommy Life put together this compilation of postpartum depression stories from women of all walks of life. 

The Secret Struggles of Postpartum

Erica Fraser from Mom Break shares her story in a video as well as a post and speaks about the pain that’s often hidden behind closed doors.

This list will be constantly updated, so be sure to check back often for more inspiring stories!

End Your Depression Book

If you are a blogger and would like your existing post to be featured, please e-mail

To submit a new postpartum depression story, please click here: postpartum depression guest post submission

Ready to tell your own story?  Download this free workbook to get started!
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