The Trick to Sleep Training

There’s a parenting image we need to get out of our minds – it’s that one where the parent puts the sleeping baby down in the crib and then does some elaborate dance to make it out of the bedroom without making a sound so baby doesn’t wake up…

The trick to sleep training is that it isn’t a trick.

In my personal experience, teaching a child how to go to sleep on their own is just as important as teaching them all the other basic life skills like brushing their teeth or tying their shoes.

Ideally children should learn to be independent sleepers and not need to rely on rocking, shushing or cuddling.

BUT…

Leaving a baby to figure it out and cry themselves to sleep doesn’t teach them anything.


In Part One of my Sleep Training Guide, I offer a sample routine that I used with each of my three newborns in order to build a solid sleep foundation.

Part Two of the Sleep Training Guide is aimed at babies over 6 months old who tend to be more curious about the world around them and try to test their limits.  Here are my best tips and advice for dealing with sleep regression, bedtime barriers, and staying positive throughout the sleep training process.

The Trick to Sleep Training
*This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust. ** Furthermore, I am not a sleep training expert, just a mother who’s been there and lived to the tell the tale.  

Sleep Regression

Between 4 – 6 months babies go through their first major sleep regression (and roughly every 3 months after that until they graduate from high school).

It may be related to new teeth, illness, change in environment or routine – or it could be caused by absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Trying to sleep train during a sleep regression is like taking one step forward and two steps back, so my advice would be to wait until the sleep regression is over and baby is back to their normal routine to start any major sleep training.

Check out this post from shrewdmommy.com for more information on sleep regression.

A Fuller Stomach

6 months marks the big achievement of solid foods!!!  While your baby will be eating an array of new foods, keep in mind that they will still be very dependent on milk for the next few months so don’t expect a “fuller stomach” to suddenly help them sleep longer at night.

Adding new foods to your baby’s diet can also cause changes in their activity levels and bowel habits which could alter your routine as well.

Your baby will be much more efficient at eating and may not need that middle of the night feeding anymore.

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An Overactive Brain

Baby is discovering so many new things and will be much more active during the day.  They will learn to (if they haven’t already) fight sleep in order to stay awake and play longer.

Over and under stimulation can affect how your baby sleeps at night.

Unlike newborns who can sleep in any conditions, older babies tend to wake easier and may be particular about where and when they sleep.

Distractions can work for you here.  Try a projection night light, sound machine, stuffed animal, blanket, book or anything that will take your child’s mind off the fact that they are deliberately fighting sleep.  Try not to cuddle, rock or feed baby to sleep.  The idea is that it should be something that can soothe them when you are not around.

Try aromatherapy!  There are several essential oils designed to help soothe and calm the mind at bedtime. Rocky Mountain Oils makes a kid-safe sleep blend called Counting Sheep.  Roll it right on, or put a few drops in a diffuser.

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A Change in Energy Levels

The older your baby gets, the less sleep they will need during the day.  Make sure that they have been awake for at least 2 hours before bedtime (and longer as they get older).

It’s important to give them enough stimulation and exercise throughout the day (fresh air always works wonders to help children sleep better).

You can spread out their naps during the day but you don’t want your child to be overtired.  An overtired child is a cranky child and a cranky child is an uncooperative child.  And trust me, you’re going to need their full co-operation at bedtime!

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The Bedtime Protest

The best advice for sleep training
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You want your baby to watch you leave the room and be OK with it. You can give baby a little rub on the belly and say good night and then walk out of the room.

Do not try to sneak out of the room.  We don’t want to trick baby into going to sleep on their own.  And the last thing we want is for them to suddenly realize that we’ve left them and then freak out.

Do not feel sorry for them because they are alone.  Sleep is a natural part of life and their bodies know this.  They will follow your lead so if you seem stressed or feel sorry for them they will sense that.

If they instantly start to cry, wait a minute or two to see if they settle down on their own.

If their cry intensifies, then go back into the room and assure them that you are there and that it’s bedtime.  Try not to pick baby up right away, instead try another distraction.

If they seem very distraught and upset then pick them up, console them and once they are calm you can try again.  You want to make sure that both you and baby are calm when you put them to bed.  If you have to, nurse them again or read a short book but don’t force them to stay in their crib if they clearly don’t want to.

If you and/or baby start to feel overly stressed out by this routine then try again another night.  We don’t want either of you to associate any negative feelings with bedtime.  If this has gone on for 2 or 3 nights in a row then take a week off and try again.

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Night Time Waking

If baby wakes up in the middle of the night – wait 1 -2 minutes and really listen to their cry before going to them.

If they are just fussing and still sound half asleep, continue waiting.

If they suddenly let out one loud cry or scream, wait a few seconds to hear if more follows.

If their cry starts to escalate then go in and reassure them, offer a distraction and leave the room again.

If they seem very distraught and upset, then pick them up, console them (feed them if necessary) and once they are calm you can try again.

The listening and waiting can be key to helping your baby go back to sleep on their own.  Oftentimes babies cry in their sleep. I remember many nights where I lay in bed listening to my baby’s cry on the monitor, finally deciding to get up and go to them and as soon as I put my hand on their bedroom doorknob they went back to sleep.  I learned to wait an extra 30 seconds the next time.

You can find the top three baby monitors from Reviews.com and/or you can download the Baby Monitor 3G app if you have two compatible devices – a great option for travelling!

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Stay Positive!

Bedtime battles can be so frustrating.  Staying positive is so important, but it’s easier said than done.  If babies and kids sense frustration or negativity at bedtime they will think of it as something to fear and they will fight you every time.

Consistency is key.  Sticking to a bedtime routine means baby will know what to expect and when.  Eventually, it won’t be so scary anymore – it will just be something that’s done every night.

Don’t pressure yourself if it isn’t working.  Stress and sleep deprivation make for a bad combo.  Take some time away from sleep training to get your positive energy back.

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Consider Help From an Expert

It’s alright to ask for help.  Sleep deprivation and stress can contribute to (and worsen) postpartum depression and other maternal mental health problems.  While having help and support from family and friends is important, it can be extremely beneficial to seek help from a certified sleep training specialist.

Sites like The Baby Sleep Site offer personalized sleep plans designed specifically for your child and focused on the areas that you need help with.  Even if you choose not to purchase a sleep plan, you can become a member and access tons of great tools and resources available in their Members Area.  Read my review of The Baby Sleep Site to get a sneak peek at what’s included in the Members Area and find out more information about their consultation packages..

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Have you read PART ONE yet?  Even if your baby is older than 6 months, you can still get some important tips and advice on sleep training!
How to Start Sleep Training The Moment You Bring Baby Home
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Sleep Training: How To Start The Moment You Bring Baby Home

Sleep training a newborn is all about establishing a good routine and developing the sleep habits that will become an important part of their lives.  It’s about teaching them how the world works – when we sleep, when we eat and when we play – in order to be a functional human being.  Sleep training a child is a long process, and the earlier they can learn, the easier it will be in the long run.  By following a strict routine with a newborn, you may even be able to avoid sleep training in the future.

The goal of this sleep training guide is to:
  • Help your newborn baby identify the difference between day time and night time. 
  • Establish a daily routine that focuses on healthy sleep habits.
  • Lay the foundation for stricter sleep training at a later age. 
  • Help you predict what your baby needs and recognize the reason they are crying.

The reason why sleep training a newborn is so essential is because sleep at this age is instinctual and not something they have learned to fight (yet).  This promotes a much more positive experience for both parent and baby.  Remaining positive throughout the sleep training process is important to successful sleep training as the child gets older.

Here is a guide to sleep training a newborn (0-6 months), which includes routines to follow during the day, at nap time, bedtime and in the middle of the night.
How to Start Sleep Training The Moment You Bring Baby Home
* This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.  ** Furthermore, I am not a sleep training expert, just a mother who’s been there and lived to tell the tale.

Sleep Training in the Morning

Open the curtains

Let as much sunlight into your home as possible or sit by a sunny window.  The point is to associate “daytime ” with brightness and noise.

Change baby out of their pajamas

It may seem like a tedious and unimportant task because many newborns stay in sleepers all day long.  But the simple, routine, act of changing  clothes in the morning will signal to your baby that it is time to start the day, and not just another one of their many wakeful periods.

Skin to skin contact

Several times a day, strip baby down to a diaper and lay them on your bare chest or cuddle next to them in bed.  This is a great thing to do while nursing or bottle feeding baby as it can also keep them awake and stimulated so they will feed better.

If you’re a busy mother, or have other children to take care of and don’t have the time to lie in bed all day, then consider carrying baby around in a wrap-style baby carrier while shirtless.

The benefits of skin to skin contact are also a great way to encourage bonding with baby and help to ease symptoms of the baby blues or postpartum depression.

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Give baby a really good feeding

A lot of effort should be put into those daytime feeding sessions.  Feed baby as often as they want to during the day, whether it’s breast or bottle.

If you’re breastfeeding, now is the time to master the latch and try out different breastfeeding positions.  Make sure to empty each breast even if it means feeding on the same side twice in a row.  That will increase your supply and provide baby with more hind milk.  Try using the breast compression technique to ensure baby is getting enough of the fattier hind milk and to help speed up the session.

Try your best NOT to let baby fall asleep during the feeding!  Sucking is extremely soothing for a baby and it’s natural for them to drift off or get tired halfway through.  If baby continues to fall asleep while nursing, they won’t get full enough and will wake up wanting more just a short while later.

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Get a good burp

Different methods work for different kids but this is so, SO important.  Try gentle bouncing or laying them on their tummy across your arm or leg instead of patting their back.  Adding a little bit of pressure against their tummy with the palm of your hand, or holding their stomach against your rib cage as you bounce up and down can help to eliminate gas.

The number one reason why newborn babies cry after a feeding is because of gas. Often, babies will put their hands to their mouths or root around when they need to burp which can be confusing if they just finished nursing.  For babies who are struggling with gas, try using colic tablets or  essential oils to ease their tummies.

Get a good poop

This will usually happen on it’s own, so it’s really just a waiting game.  You can try “pumping” their legs or holding them in a “sitting position” to get things moving along.  The reason why you want to watch for this before putting baby down for a nap is so that they will be comfortable as they sleep and will have no reason to wake up before they’re ready to.

Newborn babies can poop frequently throughout the day (especially breastfed ones).  Make sure to use a good bum balm to help avoid rashes with frequent changes.  With time, you will learn how often and when they need to go.  Their specific habits and routine usually remain constant as they grow older so this is just another way of getting to know your baby.

Encourage playtime

Talk or sing to baby, have tummy time and lots of skin to skin contact.  A colorful play mat is a great tool to have for keeping young babies entertained.  The environment should be stimulating and playful but not over-stimulating, so watch for cues that baby is done with a certain activity.

If you’re not sure exactly how to play with a newborn, then just take them around with you as you go about your day and talk to them while you do it.  Babies don’t need a lot of entertainment at this age but they love to hear voices and watch faces.

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Watch for signs of sleepiness

Throughout the day, keep an eye out for signs that they are ready to sleep.  Some babies get very fussy, others may simply stare off in one direction and start the “slow blink.”  As soon as you catch the hint that they are sleepy, prepare yourself to initiate the nap time routine.

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Sleep Training At Nap Time

Put baby to sleep in their bed

Wherever you want baby to sleep at night time is where you should put them for naps as well.  It may be tempting to hold and rock that baby for the next 2 hours but the sooner you can get them accustomed to sleeping in their own bed, the better (don’t worry, you can get in lots of cuddles during “playtime”).

Try to avoid letting baby nap in a car seat, bouncer or swing, as this can develop bad habits as they get older.  Remaining consistent about where they sleep will help them get used to their bedroom and learn not to fear it.

Make sure that baby’s room is as comfortable as possible.  Try using a warm or cool mist humidifier to make sure that their room is set up with the right conditions for them to sleep.

Keep the curtains open

Daytime sleep needs to be different from night time sleep, so keep the room bright.  If it’s a dark or cloudy day, then leave a light on while baby naps.  Make sure that there is a significant difference in baby’s room during nap time versus at night.

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Make noise

It’s common to try to avoid any and all noise while baby is napping, but that will become something you need to keep up for years.  Most newborns are deep sleepers (hence the term “sleeping like a baby”).

Play music in the background, use a sound machine or open a window to let in street noise.  If you have older children, don’t shush them while baby naps.  Basically, go about your regular every day activities.  This will teach baby to nap despite life happening around them.

Some babies tend to startle in their sleep when they hear loud noises, such as a dog barking or a car horn.  Swaddling can help keep the startle reflex from waking them up.

Wake baby up after 2 hours

… and start all over again.  It might sound cruel to wake up a sleeping baby but wouldn’t you rather save that sleepiness for 3 am?  Several smaller naps throughout the day work better than a few longer ones at the newborn age so that baby can eat more often.


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How to Sleep Train a Newborn
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How to Sleep Train a Newborn
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Sleep Training at Bedtime

Make sure that baby has been up for at least 1 – 2 hours before bedtime

Even a 10 minute nap in the car can sustain a baby with enough energy to last all night. It will take some work to plan out baby’s nap times but it is much easier to put a sleepy baby to bed than it is to wrestle with an energetic one.

Dim the lights

The wakeful period before bedtime should be focused on darkness and quiet – different than the wakeful periods during the day.  Dim the lights, close the curtains or install blackout blinds.

You still want to make sure baby gets a really good feed, burp and poop

*Ahem* this is your life now…

Tone down the playtime

In the hours before bedtime, choose less vigorous playtime for baby.  Avoid swings and bouncy seats or over-stimulating toys.  Talk in quieter voices and play soft background music.  Try to avoid having the television on.

Bathing and massaging baby are a great way to wind down before bedtime. Opt for sleep-inducing essential oils and use calming bath products designed to help baby relax.  Let baby have some time without a diaper on before that longer nighttime stretch.  Make sure that playtime before bed is calming and soothing instead of stimulating.

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Change baby’s clothes

This is the other part of the day when it’s important to change baby’s clothes to signal that it’s bedtime.  It doesn’t really matter what you put baby to sleep in because it’s just the act of changing into pajamas that will create that routine habit.

Try NOT to feed baby right before bed

A feeding before bed is important to keep baby full but if you don’t want to nurse them to sleep every time they wake up, then you need to disassociate it with bedtime.  Aim for a half hour before bedtime so that they don’t fall asleep while nursing.  You can feed baby first, then gently bounce or dance around with them to get out all those gas bubbles.  Or change them into their pajamas after the feeding.

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Initiate the “BEDTIME ROUTINE

This is the last thing you will do with baby before you put them to bed for the night.  It can include a bedtime story or lullaby, turning on a projection nightlight, some gentle rocking or cuddling in a chair, or goodnight kisses and hugs from everyone in the family.

Over the years the bedtime routine will evolve as your child grows.  But it should always include a calming activity that is reserved specifically for bedtime so as to give your baby the bedtime signal.

Put baby to bed when you see the early signs of sleepiness

It’s worth repeating here – put baby down when they are sleepy but not actually asleep. The younger the baby, the more they are acting on instincts and as long as all of their needs are met, they shouldn’t protest when you put them down.

If baby cries when you put them down…

Try feeding or burping again until they get drowsy.  If baby falls asleep while nursing, just try to get them into bed as soon as possible afterwards.  Try your best to remain positive about the process, or baby will sense your anxiety.

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Once down for the night – DO NOT WAKE BABY UP TO EAT.

Newborns need to eat on a regular schedule, but because you have been pumping them full of food during the day, you can worry a little bit less about how much they are eating at night.  They WILL wake up when they are hungry but it should be longer than 2 hour intervals.  The older and bigger they get, the longer they will be able to go without a midnight snack.

Use a baby monitor to listen for when baby wakes up, and try to get to them as soon as possible.  Try not to let baby cry for too long, as this will stimulate them more than necessary.  Newborns will normally only wake up to feed so there is no point in letting them “cry it out.”

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Sleep Training in the Middle of the Night

If and when baby wakes up in the middle of the night…

Do not turn on any lights

Keep the room as dark and quiet as possible.  A soft nightlight or mood light offers just enough lighting for you to see what you’re doing but the idea is to help baby associate night time with darkness and quiet.

Keep baby dressed

Save the skin to skin contact for the daytime.  If you swaddle baby then it’s up to you whether or not to unswaddle them, but the idea is not to disturb or stimulate baby any more than necessary.

Feed baby

Because you’re pumping them full of milk during the day, you don’t need to worry about how much they’re getting in the middle of the night.  This is a great time to use the breast compression technique while breastfeeding.  Most likely, baby will fall asleep during nursing.  If they do, try to get them back into bed as quickly as possible.

Do not talk to or stimulate baby in any way

If you’re smooth enough – you might be able to convince baby that this is just a dream and that they aren’t really awake at all…

Only change a diaper if it’s poopy

If baby had enough poopy diapers during the day then the chances of a poopy diaper at night are slim (though they do happen). Some babies are prone to diaper rash so if you absolutely must change a diaper, use a warm wipe or washcloth and try to make it as quick as possible. 

Get a good burp

But don’t try any fancy positions that might overstimulate baby unless they seem to be having a lot of trouble with gas.

Immediately return baby to crib

Don’t make a big deal out of night time wake ups.  Try to make them as quick and quiet as possible and don’t take baby out of their room.

Continue this routine for all night time feedings until morning and then begin the daytime routine all over again.

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By following a routine with your newborn throughout the day, you will be able to get them on a consistent schedule.  This will help you to predict what they need and when, so that when they cry, you can rule out the common reasons.  Having designated awake and nap times will also allow mom to get more rest and/or work done without having to constantly wonder when baby will be ready to eat or sleep.  You could even try using an app to track baby’s sleep patterns.  The routine will eventually become second nature to mom and baby, and will continue to change and evolve as baby grows.  It will also help to reduce the stress and anxiety caused by sleep training at a later age.


see part two of the sleep training guide For more TIPS as baby gets older

The Trick to Sleep Training
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Have you tried all these tips and your baby is STILL not sleeping through the night?

There could be something you’re missing.  All babies are different, and there isn’t ONE plan that works for everyone.  Don’t be afraid to seek help from an expert.  Read my review of The Baby Sleep Site for more information.

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For additional sleep training tips in kids of all ages, check out this article and infographic from BedPillows.com (formerly Dromma Bed)

Tips to Get Your Kids to Sleep
BedPillows.com
How to Start Sleep Training The Moment You Bring Baby Home