Adrienne’s Postpartum Depression Story

Adrienne from Peace of Mom talks about grief and postpartum depression.

Grief and loss are one of the biggest triggers of depression, not just in postpartum mothers, but for anyone, in any stage of life.  Pregnant and postpartum mothers are especially susceptible to depression when tragedy strikes, due to those fluctuating hormone levels.  I can relate to Adrienne’s story because I, too, lost my grandfather when I was 6 months pregnant with my third child and suffered a major postpartum depression relapse.

Adrienne's Postpartum Depression Story

* This post may contain affiliate links *

* This is a guest post and all opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of www.runningintriangles.com.  Due to the nature of the topic, this post may contain graphic details that some may find disturbing.


If you’ve ever heard the expression, “A phone call could change your life,” know that it is absolutely, positively true…

As I sat in the hard plastic chair of the pediatrician’s office, looking down at my sleeping two-week-old baby, it came. My mom, proud new grandma that she was, joined me on my daughter’s very first doctor’s visit. We had lovingly dressed her in pink, ruffle-y pajamas with faux ballet shoe feet. I was so proud of myself for leaving the house for the very first time since having her, happy that the spinal headache-an unending migraine I received as a complication from my epidural-was finally subsiding after nearly 12 days of constant pain.

My mom was smiling as her cell phone rang, eager to talk to her brother about her brand new little love.

“Hello?” she said, ready to gush about her granddaughter’s cuteness.

[I could hear my uncle clearly through the phone and I will never forget the sound of his voice, the pitch of his tone, or the scream that rang out after the call.]

“Listen,” he said. “Daddy passed away last night.”


My grandpa was 87 years old. He had a heart attack, alone in his house, sitting up at his kitchen table. Given his age, it doesn’t sound like a shocking proposition-except that grandpa acted like a young man. Just a week before, he climbed a ladder on top of his roof to repair it. His own mother had lived until 101, was actually featured on her 100th birthday on the Today Show. We thought Grandpa was going to live forever.

My grandpa was a second father to me, was the person in my life who always made it feel like everything was going to be ok. I was his “Bub”-I never asked him what it meant, because I knew it meant he loved me, and that’s all that mattered. Whenever I needed encouragement, his eyes would twinkle and his lips would curl into a smile. “You can do that,” he would always say. And, because of him, I believed I could.

I was lost without him.


On the night before his wake, my daughter’s umbilical cord fell off. My breasts leaked all over my blouse on the day of his funeral because I was so new to breastfeeding and didn’t think to pump. One of my mom’s friends held my hands as we stood in front of the coffin and said, “Do you feel like a mother now?” I said yes, but inside I only felt numb; I didn’t feel like a mother at all, which only added to my shame.

I wish I could say that the worst ended there, but that’s not true. I was grieving, but I didn’t want to cry in front of my baby, my baby who refused to go down for a nap, who I held as she slept. I was never alone, so I wouldn’t allow myself to cry and let it out.

14 Ways to Help a Mother with Postpartum Depression
Here’s how to help

For the first two weeks, my mom had helped me transition into becoming a mother, teaching me all the little things you can never learn in the books.

I needed her help so desperately, but after Grandpa died she was grieving herself, and, although she did her best, was mostly unable to help.

I was all alone with a colicky baby and a tremendous grief in my heart.

My husband worked very long hours, so there would be days I would be alone, for 12 hour days. I had a constant companion in my arms, at my breast, and yet I never felt so alone in my life.

If you didn’t have a colic baby, you would never believe this, but it’s true: colic babies sometimes cry all the time. There were days that I couldn’t wait to feed my daughter, just so her mouth was occupied and she wouldn’t scream at the top of her lungs.

After a few weeks, I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I just couldn’t get up another day and do it all over again. I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this! became my constant mantra.

But, one day, it hit me: I thought, “I have to do this because I’m the only one who can take care of my daughter. I need to get better because I need to take care of her.”


Thankfully, I did. I already had an excellent therapist and she encouraged me to join a PPD support group. Those meetings were a godsend because women who had survived and triumphed were there too.

I learned the most important thing of all for a PPD sufferer: It gets better.

Self Care Tips for Battling PPD
Self Care Tips & Advice

In therapy, I worked on learning how to take better care of myself. It took me over a year to learn how to do it and make the time for it, but I learned and I began to triumph too. I learned to enjoy my daughter and my life with her, instead of dreading the days. I learned how to feel like myself again. I learned how to be a better version of myself because I learned how to take care of myself.

Now, four years and two kids later, I have begun to devote my time to teaching other mothers what I learned during that time. I started a website called Peace of Mom, which teaches all moms how to take better care of themselves-because self-care saved me.

[Read more from Adrienne at www.peaceofmom.com]


If you have a postpartum depression story to share, Running in Triangles wants to help.

Submit a your postpartum depression story to RunninginTriangles.com
Click here for more information

End Your Depression Treatment Plan Review for Postpartum Depression

My postpartum depression journey started over 5 years ago and while life has significantly improved for me since then, I can’t say that I’m completely past the dark days.  This is one of the reasons why I am constantly looking into treatment options.

The other reason is to help find and share resources for other mothers who are suffering with maternal mental health disorders.

There are plenty of medications, resources, treatments and information available for depression, but not all of them are appropriate for treating prenatal or postpartum depression.  Most pharmaceutical drugs are not safe and/or untested on pregnant and breastfeeding women.  Even some natural treatments and herbs are unsafe during pregnancy and breastfeeding.


I recently came across the End Your Depression Treatment Plan, which promises to help sufferers overcome their symptoms of depression without the use of anti-depressants.

*This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.

**Furthermore, I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. I am simply a mother who has been there and lived to tell the tale.


But first…

I was NOT paid for this review, nor did I receive any type of compensation or discount for purchasing this treatment plan.  However, if you decide that this treatment plan is the right one for you and purchase it using one of my affiliate links, then I will receive a small commission. 

I am normally a skeptic when it comes to these types of treatment plans.  Depression is often seen as a “mind over matter” condition, leaving too much room for people to be taken advantage of in the way of treatments.  This review contains my honest opinion after purchasing and thoroughly reviewing the material.

While this treatment plan is targeted towards all different types of depression, I’ve reviewed it specifically from the perspective of a person with postpartum depression.

[There is also a FREE GIFT at the end of the review so don’t leave without it!]

The Claim:

The End Your Depression Treatment Plan claims to work by teaching you how to gain control over your depression, instead of simply fighting it off.

I was intrigued by the idea of being able to “dominate” over depression.
how to avoid a postpartum depression relapse
Read More

I have seen significant improvements in my overall postpartum depression symptoms since starting anti-depressants but they’re not something that I want to be taking forever.

Each time I have tried to wean off of the medication, I suffer from a relapse and can never seem to get ahead of the symptoms.

The End Your Depression treatment plan talks about a PERMANENT solution and that is what appealed to me the most.


First Impression

My first honest impression about the End Your Depression Treatment Plan was…

It’s not exactly a treatment plan.

I was expecting a structured, how-to type of plan and this is not that.  I realize now that it’s probably for the best because everyone deals with depression in different ways and one plan would not work for everyone.

So if you are searching for a book that will tell you, step-by-step, how to cure your depression – it does not exist.

Second Impression

Upon reading the End Your Depression e-book, I discovered that what it actually contains is a significant amount of information about depression.

Parts of it I was already familiar with, thanks to my own research on postpartum depression, but I was surprised to find that most was new information.

The way it is presented was very clear and easy to understand.  I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the information, but rather excited to learn and read things I hadn’t been able to find anywhere else.

The e-book did NOT make me feel like positive thinking alone could cure my depression.  It validated all the problems I have experienced with postpartum depression and gave me the tools and information I needed to move forward and stay ahead of the symptoms.

How it (Actually) Works:

End Your Depression Book
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The End Your Depression e-book goes into great detail about the different types of depression and how and why they affect different people.  This was information I had never read about before.

In the case of postpartum depression, we so often assume that a traumatic birth or hormone fluctuations are to blame, but it could be other reasons all together.

Knowing this root cause of depression is especially important because the e-book then goes on to explain how different diets, exercise regimens and herbal supplements work based on the type of depression a person has.

The treatment plan works on the basis that knowledge is power.

The End Your Depression Treatment Plan
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The Results:

The 74 page PDF download was user friendly and easy to read and I was able to finish the e-book over 2 days.  In addition to the End Your Depression e-book, I received 3 additional free e-books that worked as supplements to the information in the treatment plan.  The plan also comes with free lifetime updates, so if new information becomes available, those will automatically be available.


End Your Depression Book

The End Your Depression Treatment Plan gave me access to information that I would not have found otherwise.

I’ve been working on evaluating the root cause of my postpartum depression using the advice from the e-book, and am discovering that it’s not what I initially thought it was.

I now have a direction to go in the way of experimenting with my diet and exercise routine – instead of blindly trying anything and everything.

I’ve learned what to look for when choosing herbal supplements and what to avoid (although the e-book did not indicate whether the herbs and supplements were safe for use while pregnant or breastfeeding).

Everything in the e-book is attainable.  Nothing feels incredibly out of my comfort zone and it’s evident that the author truly understands what it feels like to battle with daily depression.

Conclusion

I would recommend the End Your Depression Treatment Plan to mothers battling postpartum depression.  Knowing the how’s and why’s behind the symptoms is a great place to start on the road to recovery.

Instead of trying every single treatment option out there for postpartum depression,  use this e-book to help figure out what the root cause is of your depression.  Then, you can create a treatment plan that actually works for YOU.

While I wouldn’t suggest depending solely on the information in this e-book to cure your depression – it is an excellent starting point for anyone who wants to seek a permanent way to overcome their postpartum depression.


You can get more information and buy your copy here (affiliate link):  http://runningintriangles.com/EndYourDepression

BONUS: A FREE gift for you!

This 20+ page e-book contains a mere sample of the tips for treating depression that can be found in the End Your Depression Treatment Plan.

A review of the end your depression treatment plan for treating postpartum depression
Click here to download

In order to receive the free gift, you will be asked to subscribe to the Running In Triangles Postpartum Depression e-mail list.  You may unsubscribe at any time.


The End Your Depression Treatment Plan

A review of the end your depression treatment plan for postpartum depression

Vanessa’s Postpartum Depression Story

My postpartum depression story begins with the pregnancy of my second child.  I had a mild case of the baby blues with my first and, at the time, I was very worried about my mental state.   Little did I know, it was nothing compared to the dark path that is postpartum depression…

*This post may contain affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I will earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.

**Furthermore, I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. I am simply a mother who has been there and lived to tell the tale.


The pregnancy test came back positive shortly after my only sister got engaged.  I was devastated.  Now, I was going to have to stuff my postpartum body into a breastfeeding-friendly bridesmaid dress.  I wouldn’t get to drink and party all night.  It sounds selfish and it was.  But I really wanted that one last hurrah before becoming a mother of two.

I should have been thrilled that I was pregnant again because before conceiving my first child, I miscarried twice.  I grieved for those babies and would have given anything to meet them.  And if I had gotten pregnant after my sister’s wedding, then I would have been thrilled, but…

the timing could not have been worse.

I contemplated terminating the pregnancy but just couldn’t do it.  So I secretly hoped that I would miscarry instead.

For a while, I ignored the pregnancy.  I didn’t count weeks or read books like I had done with my first.  I, once again, suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum, which made me resent the pregnancy even more.  Being so sick meant that I couldn’t take care of my toddler son or cook for my husband.  The guilt started to pile up.  At the end of my first trimester, the baby was thriving and I was sick, dehydrated and depressed.


I sought help for what my doctor described as prenatal depression(depression during pregnancy).   I saw a therapist once a week, but I don’t feel like I got much out of our sessions.  If anything, it was just a safe place to cry for an hour.  When my doctor asked if the sessions helped, I lied and said yes because I didn’t want to be difficult.

Why did I lie?

Somehow I managed to fake smile through the 9 long months.  I chose to deliver at a birth center with a midwife.  I never told them about the prenatal depression.  They were mothers themselves and they thought of birth as beautiful and natural – I didn’t want to be that one pessimistic mother with mental health issues.

My daughter was born in 2 hours and 4 minutes from the start of the first contraction.  I barely made it to the birth center, in fact I was certain I would deliver in the car on the way there.  It was the single, most traumatic experience of my entire life.

Read more about it here.

The first few months after she was born were similar to the 9 months of pregnancy…

I didn’t think too much about it.  I didn’t feel too much about it.  I fed her and changed her and did all the things for her that I needed to do but I didn’t connect with her nor did I feel any desire to. I made sure to keep busy so that I didn’t have to spend too much time with her.  I played with my son while I nursed her and rarely made eye contact with her.

I wasn’t sad, but I wasn’t happy either.  I felt zero emotions when I was with her.


My sister’s wedding came and went and I fake smiled and showed off my beautiful baby girl and put my hand over my heart when everyone told me how blessed I was.

And then, I wasn’t so busy anymore.  And all of the emotions that were locked up over the past few months wanted out.  Instead of feeling nothing – I felt everything – as though I was carrying the world on my shoulders and I couldn’t bear it.

My three month old refused to sleep.

She refused to be put down.

She refused to drink from a bottle.

She cried if anyone touched her, smiled at her or looked in her direction.

She and I were just two miserable beings who cried all day long.

Except when people came to visit.  Then she was fine, and I was fine, and everything was fine.  At least, that’s what we told them…

But when no one else was around, when it was just her and I, crying together… those were the moments I feared the most.  In my exhausted state, my mind would take over think things like:

I should have gone through with that abortion.

Things would be so much better if she never existed.

Would she stop crying if I just threw her out the window?

Maybe I will run away and never came back!

And then I would punish myself for being such a terrible mother. 

I didn’t know that it was postpartum depression.  I truly believed that I was just a bad person.

My husband, who had been there supporting me through all of it, (and feeling helpless I’m sure) finally told me that something wasn’t right.

I couldn’t have done it alone

I spoke to my doctor.  He agreed that it was postpartum depression and advised me that if I was to start anti-depressants, it meant that I would have to stop breastfeeding. [The fact that he gave me a choice in the matter meant he truly had no idea how bad it really was.  If I had actually told him all the things that were going through my mind, he would have demanded that I start anti-depressants immediately.] 

But I had already convinced myself that I was a terrible mother, and stopping breastfeeding just to take some pills was something a terrible mother would do.  So, in an effort to try to do right by my daughter, I chose to keep breastfeeding instead.

When my daughter was 6 months old, my husband and I decided to move 9 hours away from our hometown.  In my right mind, I would never have agreed to the move because I needed the support of our families more than ever.  But in my postpartum depression mind, I wanted to be far away from anyone and everyone.

That was 5 years ago and my battle with postpartum depression is ongoing.
How to avoid a postpartum depression relapse
Find out more

Over the years it has gone from very, very bad to non-existent and I don’t know if it will ever completely go away.  I try my hardest to maintain a good self-care routine but there are still things that make it better and things that make it worse.

Pain is the biggest trigger for me, so my recent struggle with endometriosis caused one of the largest relapses I’ve experienced in a long time.

I still take anti-depressants daily and while I hope that it won’t be forever, I realize that I will never be the same person I was before postpartum depression.

The End Your Depression Treatment Plan
Find out if this is the right treatment option for you

Believe it or not, I am thankful for the struggle.

I look at my gorgeous, brilliant, 5 year old daughter and I am thankful that a greater power guided me to keep her.

I am thankful that I am not haunted by the dark memories of the worst days.

I am thankful that my husband and I were given “bad times” to get through together.

And mostly, I am thankful that my struggle inspired me to help others.


Thank you for reading my postpartum depression story.

If it inspired you in any way, then I am glad to have written it, as hard as it was to do.   You can read more inspiring stories about postpartum depression and other maternal mental health disorders here

A compilation of posts from bloggers who have bravely told their postpartum depression story
A compilation of postpartum depression posts from other talented bloggers

For more information on how I can help you tell your story, please click here.

5 Things to Expect in the Aftermath of Postpartum Depression

It’s been 5 years since my battle with postpartum depression first began.  I consider myself a survivor now but living in the aftermath of postpartum depression is nothing like life was before it.

Postpartum depression treatment options are different for everyone but there are a few things to expect on your journey to recovery.

*This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.

**Furthermore, I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. I am simply a mother who has been there and lived to tell the tale.


1. Expect it to never go away 100%

I had hyperemesis gravidarum with all three of my pregnancies and it was horrific.  But as soon as I pushed the baby out, the nausea went away instantly.  Postpartum depression is not like that.

With treatment, you will get better.  The days will be brighter and the fits of sadness and rage will become fewer and far between.  But it will always be there, deep down inside.  It will be hard to forget the dark days and there will be reminders of them everywhere.

You may go months, years even, living happily as a postpartum depression survivor and then suffer a relapse during a strenuous week of sleep regression or the flu.  My personal postpartum depression treatment requires a consistent self-care routine and I’ve noticed that symptoms tend to rear their ugly head if I don’t keep up with it.

Here are my best tips
I think of my postpartum depression like a wound.  It happened and it healed but the scar remains.  Most days I forget all about it but it is always there.


End Your Depression Book


2. Expect to feel guilty

Amazon.ca – This won’t get rid of your guilt but it will help take away some of the stress.

We know that postpartum depression is NOT OUR FAULT.  But accepting that fact is much harder to swallow.  As moms, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we often feel guilty for something – our fault or not; we’re not spending enough time with our kids, we’re not giving them the best clothes, food, toys, education, etc. – you name it and a mom’s felt guilty for it.

But the guilt that a postpartum depression survivor feels is much worse than your average mom guilt.  The things we said or did while we were in the raw days of postpartum depression were not us.  We couldn’t control them, we couldn’t anticipate them and we didn’t mean a word of it.

But we remember all of it. And if there were witnesses around, (i.e. an older child or spouse) it’s likely they remember everything too.

So no matter how many times we tell ourselves that it’s not our fault – we can’t help but feel guilty for all the things we said or did during the battle.
It’s not easy to talk about

3. Expect to have different relationships

Postpartum depression changes you.  You can never go back to being the person you were before this.

Your relationship with your spouse or significant other will either be stronger or broken entirely.  They will also be a changed person because you can’t watch someone else go through something like postpartum depression and not feel anything about it afterwards.

You could try this 30 Day Relationship Challenge from To The Altar & After!

But if someone has loved you and stuck with you through the darkest of days then they are a keeper.  If they ran for the hills then you didn’t want them anyway…

The same could be said of your friendships except it’s unlikely they even knew you had postpartum depression.

If you alienated yourself from everyone while you were suffering but did not give an explanation why then you will probably need to do some damage control in the aftermath.

4. Expect to be a stronger woman than you were before

It goes without saying that postpartum depression survivors are some of the strongest women who exist.  (Ok, all “survivors” are strong – perhaps this one sounds cliché… but being forced to suffer from depression during a time in your life when you should be MOST happy is just plain cruel.) 

Once you’ve doubted every single decision you’ve made, questioned your reason for living and hurt people you love – there is not much left that will scare you.  You will reach a point where you think you just can’t handle it anymore – but then you do.

You learn that the limit to how much you can handle is much further than where you thought it was…

5. Expect to WANT to tell your story

While you may have felt ashamed or embarrassed about your condition at the time – afterwards you will be proud to say “I beat postpartum depression.”

You will recognize the all too familiar pain in other women and want to help them.  Since you are stronger now, you don’t care who judges you for what.

And while writing or talking about your experience will be hard and will likely stir up all the guilt you’ve been working so hard to abolish, the freedom you will gain from it is unlike any other.

Sometime in the aftermath of postpartum depression, you will WANT to tell your story, whether it’s to your closest friends and family or complete strangers.

And when you do, others will sympathize with you and relate to you and perhaps you’ll even save a life…

If and when you are ready to share your story – click here to find out how.


Want to tell your postpartum depression story but not sure where to start?  Download this FREE printable PDF workbook

Click to download!