Self-Esteem Reminders For Postpartum Moms

Life, as a mommy, can be hard.

It doesn’t really matter how much you want a child. There is nothing to prepare you to the joys and miseries of the postpartum period. Indeed, for a lot of women, the excitement of the pregnancy builds up over 9 months, and suddenly the hormonal imbalance that follows the birth can make it hard mentally and physically to accept your new reality.

A lot of new mothers talk about their lack of confidence and self-esteem following the birth of their child, so it’s essential to address the subject and help them. Contrary to what the recent pictures of Kate Middleton holding baby Louis in front of the hospital, your body doesn’t spring back to its normal shape and energy levels in no time. So, don’t be too harsh on yourself if you feel it’s taking ages to get back to your usual self. It’s entirely normal.

But it doesn’t mean you can’t help boost your mood during the process. Postpartum is an emotional time for mothers. Be gentle with yourself.

*This is a collaborative post*
*This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.


A little bit of self-love

A lot of young mothers can’t help but look in the mirror and feel less desirable after birth. Ultimately, your body went through enormous changes – giving birth is nothing to take lightly – and you now need to look after a small baby. So, yeah, you look tired. Your complexion is dull – but how could it be otherwise in those circumstances? You can leave the baby with your parents or your partner and allow yourself some much-deserved beauty brow care from Lustrous Permanent Beauty. It’s not a matter of making yourself more beautiful than you are – you are already beautiful. It’s about helping yourself to see past the mask of tiredness. Remind yourself to take care of yourself.  

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Meet other mommies

Having a baby is both a wonderful and stressful experience, regardless how much you wanted to become a mother. Sometimes, you need to hear reassuring words about your baby, or you may want to receive tips from experienced mommies. That’s precisely why it’s so important to connect with other mothers, either through childbirth classes or even online. You’ll find it great moral support when you’re going through the first steps of parenthood. It’s ok to wonder if you’re doing everything right or to ask other moms for advice. Just enjoy the mama wave of love and understanding.

Be realistic; your body needs time, and so do you

Ignore the VIP photos in the magazines or the comments from friends who don’t have children. Postpartum recovery takes time, in fact, it can take 6 weeks or more for a normal birth, and up to 12 weeks for a C-section. So there’s no point blaming yourself for your lack of fitness after the birth. Self-depreciation and the difficulty to accept their post-pregnancy body drive a lot of new mothers into depressive moods. It’s crucial you remember to be patient with your body and with your mind.

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The bottom line is that as much as you need to embrace motherhood, you can’t deny yourself the right to be a woman with doubts, fears, and worries. It’s okay not to feel like a perfect mommy at first! Take the time to look after yourself, physically and mentally. You’re worth it!

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Recovering from a Precipitous Labor

If you’re not familiar with the term precipitous labor, it basically means a labor that lasts less than 3 hours from the start of the first contraction until the baby is born.

It is sometimes referred to as a precipitate birth or delivery, rapid labor, fast labor or a plain, old speedy delivery!

Many women experience a precipitous labor for their second or subsequent deliveries, but having one with a first child is pretty rare (like 3% rare!)

While many women who have NOT experienced a precipitous labor might think this sounds like a blessing, it’s not all it’s chalked up to be.  For more information on that, you can read my post Precipitous Labor: The Traumatic Truth About a Speedy Delivery.

But in this post, I’m going to focus on recovering from a precipitous labor.

What You Need to Know About Recovering from a Precipitous Labor

What You Need to Know About Recovering from a Precipitous Labor

*This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.  **Furthermore, I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. I am simply a mother who has been there and lived to tell the tale.


Recovering from a precipitous labor is… 

well…

precipitous.

That’s right, a fast labor usually means a fast recovery as well.  But don’t start hating on us precipitous laborers just yet…

While laboring quickly generally means less physical trauma and fatigue, it’s not without it’s own set of dangers as well.

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Example 1: Tearing

The whole point of moving slowly through the different phases of labor is to help our bodies stretch and prepare for the giant watermelon we’re about to push out of it.

But with a precipitous labor, our body has less time to warm up for the big push and can result in some pretty bad tearing. Usually there isn’t time (or need) for an episiotomy, so the degree and direction of tearing can be unpredictable.

Stitches down below make for a very uncomfortable postpartum recovery period.  There are several different home remedies available, but ice will become your best friend.

Here’s a quick and easy tutorial from Swaddles n’ Bottles for DIY “padsicles to help reduce swelling and pain.

Swaddles n’ Bottles

Example 2: Overdoing it

We’re all supermoms and the faster we can get out of bed after giving birth and back to our regular routine – the stronger we are, right?

Not necessarily…

While we may feel GREAT immediately after a 3 hour (or less) labor, it doesn’t mean that our bodies have completely healed.  The first few hours, days, even weeks after giving birth are essential to the healing process and should never be rushed.


There are several parts of the postpartum recovery period that do NOT occur precipitously.

The Uterus

The uterus needs to shrink back down to it’s normal size and that process can take up to 6 weeks or more.

As the uterus contracts back to it’s normal size, some women experience cramping (similar to menstrual cramps), especially while breastfeeding.

However, some women do not feel any cramping or discomfort at all.

Everyone experiences it differently, but for me, it was severely worse than the labor pains itself and got more intense after each delivery.

I was given drugs for the pain, but since I was breastfeeding, I turned to essential oils and heat pads to help me get through it instead.

Whether you feel it or not, the uterus is still contracting and will need plenty of time to shrink back down.

Skin to Skin Contact

Stay in bed with that baby!

It might be tempting to get up and do things because you feel great but the skin to skin contact in the first 36-48 hours is essential to bonding and breastfeeding success!

Regardless of where you spend those first few hours after birth, whether its a hospital or birth center or in your own home, just stay in the bed and hold that baby for as long as you can.

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Blood Pressure

Roughly 24 hours after giving birth to my second child, I experienced something I had NEVER experienced before in my entire life – high blood pressure.

I had resumed all my normal activities less than 12 hours after giving birth to her and because of that, my body didn’t have time to heal.  In addition to the high blood pressure, I developed a fever, severe headache, nausea, swollen hands and feet, blurred vision and dizzy spells.

It’s called postpartum preeclampsia and it’s rare for women who did not experience preeclampsia while pregnant.  Thankfully, some rest helped my blood pressure regulate and I didn’t develop any further complications or need medication but it can become quite serious if left untreated.

The Baby Blues

Those hormones will be in full swing after giving birth.  For months your body has been working hard to maintain two humans and now it has to adjust back down to one.  The baby blues affect nearly 80% of all mothers postpartum, so it’s something to prepare for after giving birth, whether or not you’ve had a precipitous labor.

Hormonal imbalances, unfortunately, don’t often work themselves out precipitously…

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Postpartum Depression

Ahhhh… my favorite topic.  Let me be clear when I say that there is no known link between precipitous labor and postpartum depression.  Many believe that a traumatic labor can lead to postpartum depression but precipitous labor is not always a traumatic experience.  In fact, many women who have one really DO feel lucky and blessed that they were spared a long labor and delivery.

Prenatal & Postpartum Depression - Vanessa's Story
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However, since postpartum depression seems to have no pattern whatsoever of who it chooses as it’s victims, it’s best to be prepared.

In my own, personal postpartum depression story, I talk about how I rushed through my recovery with my second child and eventually wound up getting postpartum depression.  I can’t say for certain that it had anything at all to do with my mental state, but I DO regret rushing my postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum Depression Resources


Everything happens so quickly when it comes to having kids.

There are moments and memories that we can hold onto and savor each second of – and there are some that we have no control over.  While we may not be able to choose whether or not we have a precipitous labor, we CAN choose not to rush our recovery.

What You Need to Know About Recovering from a Precipitous Labor
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Mummyitsok

The Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression vs. No Postpartum Mood Disorder

I’ve given birth to three kids, experienced three similar pregnancies,  labored through three natural, drug-free births, but ended up with three very different postpartum recovery periods…

It’s hard to know for sure if you’re suffering from a maternal mental health disorder, and even then, it’s hard to know which level of intensity you’re experiencing.  The baby blues is something that so many mothers experience, but when do you know if it’s turned into something more?  Postpartum depression is often explained away as a bad case of the baby blues when, in reality, it’s much more serious.  Here’s what it felt like first hand.


*This post contains affiliate and/or paid links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust.  **Furthermore, I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice. I am simply a mother who has been there and lived to tell the tale.


The Baby Blues

Shortly after the birth of my first child I experienced symptoms of what I believe were the “baby blues.”  They didn’t last long and they didn’t disrupt my life (much).

The mood swings were my first indicator.  I remember watching my husband interact with the baby while our two dogs sat at his feet watching.  I thought about how the dogs had no idea how much life was changing and I instantly burst into tears.  I’m not usually a sensitive or emotional person so this was a sure sign to me that I was experiencing some type of hormonal imbalance. It was very similar to the mood swings I experienced during pregnancy.

The sleep deprivation added to my emotional state.  The way someone would feel after staying up partying all night long (which may or may not be a familiar feeling for me *wink wink*).  I felt irritable and edgy but sleep (when I could get it) was welcome and helped to alleviate the stress.

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I blamed the extreme “mom brain” on the sleep deprivation as well.  It was probably one of the hardest symptoms for me to manage as someone who prides themselves on having a great memory.  Suddenly I couldn’t multi-task because I would forget what I was doing in the first place.  I wrote down absolutely everything in a log book, significant or not, in a vain attempt to remember when I last fed him.

I felt an overwhelming urge to protect him and I worried a lot about everything he did.  I worried about holding him too much, or not enough.  I worried about the way others were holding him.  I worried about his diaper being put on properly.  I worried about such small and insignificant things (in addition to all the normal motherhood worrying like how much he was eating, pooping and sleeping).

I didn’t bond with the baby as much as I thought I would.  I spent a lot of time talking to him but the lack of a response discouraged me.  I wasn’t absolutely head over heels in love with him the way motherhood is portrayed in the media.  While I didn’t have any negative feelings, I felt very indifferent towards him.

We didn’t get out of the house much at first.  I was extremely overprotective of him and convinced that he would contract bad germs from strangers.  Aside from worrying, I honestly just didn’t feel like leaving the comfort of my own home.

Carseat "No Touching" Sign
Wish I had one of these signs from NikkiDanielDesigns on Etsy.ca

It eventually went away on it’s own.  Similar to a really bad case of PMS, I started to feel “normal” again.  I didn’t cry at the mere thought of something sad and I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and socialize.  By the time he was 2 months old he was smiling, making eye contact and interacting and I did fall head over heels in love with him.


Postpartum Depression

After the birth of my second child, things felt a little bit different.  That first baby that I didn’t bond with?  Well he was two years old now and the absolute center of my world.  So for the first couple months, things were monotonous and scheduled and boring – as long as the baby was concerned, at least.

She had basic needs and I didn’t try too hard to bond with her.  I knew that would happen eventually so I didn’t put too much pressure on myself this time.  The first two months after her birth were extremely busy in my social life so I didn’t have time to stew over the fact that life as I knew it had completely changed.

But when the dust settled and I was left at home, alone, with a toddler and a newborn who wouldn’t stop crying – things changed…
Prenatal & Postpartum Depression - Vanessa's Story
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I was tired and emotional but this time I couldn’t sleep no matter how hard I tried.  Every time I closed my eyes I thought I heard the baby cry and got up to check on her.  Sometimes it was 15 times in an hour but I couldn’t stop myself because I knew the one time I didn’t check on her would be the time something bad happened.  If someone else offered to look after her while I took a nap, then I would lie in bed for 2 hours worrying if she was alright.

The mood swings were extreme and uncontrollable.  As the weeks went on, I started to despise her.  I blamed her for everything I was feeling.  She felt my negative feelings and cried harder and longer which made me dislike her even more.  But then I would think about how I’ve always wanted to have a daughter and I would suffocate her in love – until she started crying again.  The slightest things could send me into fits of rage and I got offended and jealous very easily.

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I was terrified to leave the house with her.  I was certain she would cry and I wouldn’t be able to handle her and everyone would stare at me and think I was a horrible mother.  So I stayed in my house where no one could judge me.  I avoided contact with almost everyone.

And the worst part of all was that I lied about what I was feeling to everyone.  I felt humiliated and inadequate and worthless but I hid it the best I could.  I dressed the baby up in cute outfits and took cute pictures of her to post on social media.  I posted captions about how much I loved having a baby girl and how all of my dreams had come true but in reality I just wanted to rewind life to a time before she existed.

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The more I tried to “fix” things, the worse they got.  Even when I tried to “snap out of it” the baby was still reacting to my negative energy and crying all day and night.  My brain was full of terrible ways I could get her to shut up but instead I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for what seemed like hours.  The guilt eventually built up huge walls that closed in on me.

For months I battled in silence, not knowing it was postpartum depression.  I kept waiting for this funk to pass, waiting for the “hormones to regulate” but they never did, not without help, that is.

If you need help with what you believe might be postpartum depression, you can speak to an online therapist from Better Help.  For more information visit https://www.betterhelp.com/

For more information about postpartum depression and other maternal mental health disorders, check out this comprehensive guide from Parenting Pod.

Postpartum Depression Resources in Canada
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No Postpartum Mood Disorder

Considering I went to hell and back with my last baby, I must have been absolutely crazy to have another one, right?  The postpartum depression was forefront in my mind but this time I felt more prepared.  I knew what to look for, and I knew that I needed to speak up if I felt something was even a little bit off.

The first time she was placed in my arms, I felt it.  That immediate love that legends were made of.  I couldn’t wait to hold her and I didn’t want to do anything else except just stare at her perfect face.

The early days with her were peaceful and calm – despite the sleepless nights.  The other two children often played with each other and so I had her all to myself.  The fact that she couldn’t talk back to me actually made me want to spend MORE time with her!

Trying to balance three children was definitely a challenge, and extremely overwhelming at times, but instead of being afraid and nervous and frustrated –  I felt excited and determined to make the best of it!

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I felt like I could control my mood.  Even on days when she was extra fussy or I was extra tired, I always managed to stay calm and relaxed around her.  I never felt a sad or negative thought about her.  And she was a calm and relaxed baby because of it.

Initially I worried about how the older children would handle the new baby.  But they never once showed any signs of jealousy towards her and completely welcomed her into our family.  I cried more tears of joy in her first few months than I ever have in my life.

I worried about how much she ate, pooped and slept and whether she was hitting her milestones on time.  Mostly because I was always comparing her to the other children.  In an attempt to get things right this time, I asked a lot of questions, I sought a lot of help and I socialized as often as possible.

I took all three kids out as often as I could.  It was next to impossible to manage all of them in public (and it still is) but I sure didn’t want to get stuck inside the house with them!


I can’t say for certain what factors affected these different postpartum outcomes but this is the way it worked out for me.  After my battle with postpartum depression, having another baby was not in the plans but she surprised us all and I’m glad she did. 

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When I think about life with a newborn, I try my hardest to reflect on the happiness of my last one, but will never forget the darkness that came before.
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The Baby Blues vs Postpartum Depression

The Baby Blues vs Postpartum Depression vs No Postpartum Mood Disorder