It’s never easy to admit when we are struggling, especially when it comes to postpartum depression.
Kyleen knew that she was struggling after she gave birth, but she was ashamed to admit it. This is extremely common among mothers with postpartum depression. We dream of the mother we would become and postpartum depression quickly ruins all of that. Thankfully, Kyleen was strong enough to reach out to us and share her story. (Read more from Kyleen here)
This is Kyleen’s story.
I remember putting on a smile everyday as if I was happy, when deep down I was not okay. I was FAR from being okay.
Roughly 1 month postpartum, I began getting symptoms of postpartum depression. I NEVER thought I would be that woman who ended up with postpartum depression. I thought I would be the perfect mother and perfect wife after our baby was born, but that wasn’t the case.
My symptoms of postpartum depression included lashing out at my husband, our son and our dog. I was easily irritable, my patience was spread thin and I felt alone. I would always want to take a bath and when I did, I would cry. I felt lonely, but at the same time I wanted to be alone.
My son would cry and only want me (and sometimes still does), but I wouldn’t want to hold him, because I was home with him all day and needed a break. I was also ashamed of my body and felt like I should have bounced back better than I did. I felt like my husband didn’t want me, because I didn’t have the same body as I did pre-pregnancy.
I didn’t want to admit I was getting postpartum depression, because I was ashamed. My husband came home from work one day and mentioned postpartum depression to me and told me he believes I am getting symptoms of it. I agreed with him. It’s crazy though, because I was about to mention it to him once he came through the door…great minds think alike? My husband worked and still does work long hours and is gone for over 12 hours a day and doesn’t deserve to come home to a witch of a wife. I finally had a turning point and I am unsure of what the turning point was.
There are a lot of things that can contribute to why a women gets postpartum depression, but I feel like I was being defeated by not being able to breastfeed my son, hormone changes, body image issues and being a stay at home mom. I definitely noticed how much of a toll the symptoms were taking on my body – emotionally, physically and mentally.
Did you know that women are at the highest risk of committing suicide 9-12 months postpartum? I honestly just learned that myself and was shocked with those statistics and honestly, I am scared of that statistic. I am scared to see how I handle being 9-12 month postpartum.
I am currently 6.5 months postpartum and have been pretty good. There are still times that I lash out, have very little patience and want alone time, but I believe I am progressing. I never went on medication or saw a therapist, but there is NOTHING wrong with going on medication or seeing a therapist to HELP you!!! I can’t say that enough.
I am, so far, one of the lucky ones when it comes to postpartum depression and am continuing to strive to be the best mother and wife that I can be. Without my supportive husband and family, I don’t know how I would have dealt with my symptoms of postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression is REAL. Just remember…
- YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER.
- YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARTNER.
- YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON.
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
- POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IS NOT THE END.
- DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE.
Kyleen also talks about how the pressure to breastfeed her son contributed to symptoms of postpartum depression. Check out part 2 of her postpartum depression story.