9. How has postpartum depression affected your marriage or relationships?
It was really tough at first, but my husband is amazing. He’s been so supportive and I know it’s been tough for him too because he works nearly 60 hours a week. He tries to take over with the kids as often as he can. – Vanessa
Yes. Without a doubt it has affected my marriage. I didn’t feel love for myself (which really is so important for overcoming postpartum depression) or for others. I didn’t care about sex with my husband but he needed it. I was too tired to take time to talk with him or just play with him like we did when we were dating; laughing and having fun! Our marriage has suffered, but I finally saw what it was truly doing, what it would result in if I would continue to neglect our marriage. It was eye opening, I’m changing. It’s slow, but I’ll take slow positive change over no change or negative change any day. – Anonymous
It was very hard on both of us for a while, fortunately my husband also works in mental health so he understands. However I would say we are now very close again and work much better as a team these days. It has made me distant from several friends and family members. They are not worth my time when I’m well if they don’t accept me when I’m ill. It has made me very close to one or two friends who kept me going through the darkest times. This has been the best part because I feel I’ve rediscovered their friendship all over again. I love them so much. – Alexandra
It has ruined my relationship. I was controlling, paranoid and scared I made choices without thinking about him. We fight and have been struggling financially because I couldn’t keep a job. We both lost who we were. Things today are still hard. – Amber
It has made me so distant from my husband. I feel so terrible, but all I can think about is my baby and worrying if he is okay. – Anonymous
I feel alienated or I alienate myself because I feel weird or different than my friends. It can be a drain on my relationship. – Nicole
It has brought us closer because he has been so supportive through this journey. – Anonymous
No one understands that it wasn’t weakness, I nearly died from my symptoms. It was biochemical and the most terrifying thing in existence. It was like I had entered hell. – Brittany
I told my husband what I was going through he didn’t understand and still really doesn’t but he’s been by my side the whole time. Hes an amazing husband. – Jodi
I distance myself or I’m angry at my partner for nothing. He is very helpful. – Anonymous
It was the reason for my separation. Although we are currently working things out. – Ashley G.
It was hard on my marriage. I don’t feel like my husband handled it well but we tried to work through it. – Anonymous
It has been super tough on my marriage. You tend to really isolate yourself when you have PPD. – Amanda
It was very difficult. If I had been with any other person we wouldn’t have made it. My husband did anything and everything he could to help me. He never threatened to leave me or take my baby. He even had talk therapy to help understand what I was going through. – Anonymous
My husband was unbelievably helpful and thoughtful. He was so worried and I believe it brought us closer together. – Katy
My relationship has survived both cases. But it does take a toll when you are in the worst of it. It takes a toll on everyone involved. – Samantha
My husband was very supportive and he understood what I was going thru. It was hard for him too because he didn’t see what I was seeing. I saw myself as a failure and in his own words he saw a strong mother and wife. – Anonymous
Husband doesn’t understand. He listens but doesn’t get it. We bicker, but nothing too bad. – Melissa
Badly. – Marcella
It put a huge strain on our marriage for months. – Anonymous
It has made it a little tough because in the beginning I felt gross and not attractive. I felt like since I’m breastfeeding, my hubby wouldn’t like my non perky boobs anymore. He had to remind me that he loves me and thinks I’m even more beautiful because I gave him our daughter. – Emily
I feel like it made us stronger because I became more vulnerable. It broke down my tough exterior. – Lorena from Motherhood Unfiltered
I feel like the first time it really hurt my marriage because my husband couldn’t understand. The second time, it brought us closer together. – Chelsea
Well my sex drive is down, that for sure. Thankfully, I have a very understanding husband. My family doesn’t really grasp PPD – they are of the old school mindset that you should just smile and pick yourself up; that it’ll eventually get better. They don’t understand how much it stings when they make a sarcastic comment about me being in my pajamas or some other such thing. I am thankful they all like 2 hours away – it gives me a buffer to between myself and then to help keep me sane. – Kathryn
Actually made it stronger. – Anonymous
I feel as though I do not give my husband the time and care he deserves he is so supportive and my relationship with my kids is crumbling. We are always arguing because I lose it so quickly, which then makes me sad and I tend to pull away from them all. – Krista
I don’t think it did. – Karen from Pregnancy and Postpartum Mental Health of Lancaster County
I feel guilty a lot for what I feel like is unnecessary drama that my husband has to deal with, but he has been super understanding and supportive. He never complains, and when I’m struggling, he’s always the first to ask when I last ate, did I take my meds, how much water have I had to drink. – Leah Elizabeth from Lottie & Me
It’s came between my marriage quite a lot. – Jessica
It was very hard on my marriage. Took almost a year and a half to recover from it without the use of any medications all on my own. This was 24 years and 20 years ago. Made it very hard to make the decision to have the second child because I knew I would have it again. And I did. – Theresa
My marriage is suffering. Hard. I am mourning the loss of the woman I was for 27 years. And my husband is too. And we still don’t know where this leaves us. This is something I have not figured out yet, and it’s a side effect of PPD that deserves more discussion. – Amanda from Mom Like Me
Yes. My husband has been a trooper through all of this but I know he gets hurt by things I say to him and gets frustrated with me because of mood swings. Friends think I’m crazy or get offended because I’m not my bubbly self. – Anonymous
Things just aren’t like they used to be before PPD. – Jacqueline from Planning in the Deep
I feel like my fiancé is heartbroken every time he looks at me .– Haylie
Though of divorce DAILY but also realized I don’t have the time or sanity to even go to the bathroom never mind organize a divorce (we’re still happily married but that time was friggin’ rough!) – Crystal from Heart and Home Doula
Greatly. I was withdrawn with most of my friends and with my husband. – Anonymous
My medication decreases my sex drive. – Anonymous
So many fights between my partner and I that have escalated into violence at times. – Anonymous
It caused my marriage some major hiccups. My husband didn’t understand what was going on and thought I didn’t love our baby, which is obviously not true. – Anonymous
I hated my husband for about a year and a half and seriously considered divorcing him. – Eda
My relationship has been rocky from the start which in of itself has greatly affected my depression. Relationships all around seem superficial and I feel like no one understands. My kids don’t see me happy and smiling. – Anonymous
My husband didn’t experience my first three cases of PPD, but has already seen, 12 weeks in to this pregnancy, how I have changed due to the illness creeping in. I act out in rage often, and he frequently says he’s never seen me like this. It’s straining, but he’s understanding. – Kathleen
I’m much more on edge, quick to think he’s judging me. I don’t want to be touched. – Stephanie
It was very hard on the marriage at first, I had no sex drive and was angry at my husband for not doing more. It took me a long time to accept that no matter how much he did – he would never be the mom. I am mom. I was also very isolated from other moms and my closest friends and family did not have children so it created a huge rift. My sister and I actually grew apart so much and it was devastating but I gave up on our relationship for a while. Luckily her and I had the desire to reconnect and we went to therapy together to bridge the divide. -Yonat from Embodied Therapy Santa Rosa
I can’t connect and I struggle relating to my husband. I see him on a different level. I feel disconnected. I can be happy and laugh with him but keep to myself with my inner struggles. – Beth
Nothing puts strain on a relationship like mental health issues.
One of the biggest problems with postpartum depression for many women is that disconnected feeling. We isolate ourselves, withdraw socially and close up our emotions. Basically, we do exactly the opposite of what you’re supposed to do in a loving relationship. But it’s difficult to communicate with someone who just doesn’t understand what’s happening to us. Like us, our spouses expected to live happily ever after once baby arrived. Postpartum depression destroyed their worlds, too.
What can we do to change this?
Education can make such a difference. New and expectant fathers should do their best to learn about the symptoms of postpartum depression as well, so that they know how to help support their partners. The better a person can understand mental illness, the easier it will be to handle situations like rage, extreme mood swings or suicidal ideations. No one should have to battle postpartum depression alone.
