IVF surrogacy is becoming a common option for people who cannot carry a pregnancy but wish to share a genetic connection with their babies. Every year, thousands of children are born in the US through the surrogacy process. But what exactly is IVF surrogacy, how and how does it work, and who needs it? Let’s find the answers to these questions.
What is IVF surrogacy?
IVF surrogacy is an arrangement in which the surrogate mother agrees to carry and deliver a pregnancy for a couple or individual who cannot do so on their own. The process is an inseparable part of gestational surrogacy. In the IVF process, eggs and sperm from the intended parents or donors are “mixed” in the lab to create the embryo. The embryo is then transferred into the womb of the gestational surrogate, who carries the baby to term.
Who uses IVF surrogacy?
People who often take this rewarding path to parenthood include:
Intended parents who don’t want to pass a hereditary condition to their babies
Steps involved in IVF surrogacy
Step I: Meet with your physician
The first step in the IVF surrogacy process is to schedule a consultation with a fertility specialist. This will allow you to discuss your surrogacy goals, preferences, as well as your personal and family medical history.
Step II: Look for an egg or sperm donor
The next step is to find someone who will provide the egg or sperm for IVF (if you are not using your own genetic materials).
Step III: Embryo Creation
The IVF egg retrieval and fertilization are performed in the lab to create embryos. The embryo is frozen until the surrogate is ready for the transfer procedure.
Step IV: Find a surrogate mother
You will look for a surrogate mother that suits your needs and circumstances and according to surrogate mother cost. Once you have found the right surrogate, your surrogacy agency will complete all the necessary paperwork to ensure the rights of both parties are protected during the process.
Step V: Complete embryo transfer
The embryo will be placed in the surrogate mother’s womb to achieve a pregnancy. Two weeks after the embryo transfer, a blood test is conducted to check if conception has occurred successfully.
Step VI: Take the baby home
Once the gestational carrier gives birth to the baby, she will hand him/her to the intended parents, who would finalize the legal paperwork for parenthood and go home with the new baby.
IVF surrogacy costs
Couples and individuals pursuing IVF surrogacy can expect to pay between $100,000 and $150,000. However, the cost may vary based on certain factors, such as the surrogate’s state, the fertility clinic you choose to work with, services required during the surrogacy, etc.
The costs of IVF surrogacy can be divided into surrogate compensation, fertility clinic fees, legal fees, and agency fees. The agency fees usually cover all the services needed to ensure a successful surrogacy journey, including background checks, screenings, advertising, matching, support, and counseling.
IVF surrogacy is an exciting way to build a family. It gives intended parents the chance to have biological children, regardless of their age, sexual orientation, or background. People who may consider IVF surrogacy include infertile couples, single individuals, LGBTQ people, etc.
Natalie Bowes, B.A. (Integrative Physiology with focus on Endocrinology, Immunology, and Microbiology) Intended Parents Coordinator and Educator at fertile.com.
Natalie looks after the hopeful parents walking through the doors of RSMC and makes sure their parenthood journey progresses smoothly and successfully. Her past patient care experience and academic feats allow her to help intended parents understand every aspect of IVF journey. She loves staying active and enjoys hiking, yoga, and reading.
The surrogacy process can be life changing. If you are struggling with conceiving a baby on your own, this could be an option worth considering. Or, you may be interested in helping someone else begin a family of their own.
Whether you are a hopeful intended parent, or a prospective surrogate considering this journey, you probably have many questions about how this process works. Let’s look at the surrogacy process in chronological order.
Prepare for surrogacy
Before embarking on the surrogacy process, it’s important to understand how does surrogacy work? That way, you can decide if it’s the right option for you and your family. You need to learn about the different surrogacy agreements available. Here is a brief overview:
Gestational Surrogacy: In this process, the eggs will be provided by the intended mother (or a donor) and fertilized with sperm from the intended father (or a donor). The surrogate’s eggs are not involved in any way, so the surrogate will not have a genetic link with the baby.
Traditional Surrogacy: Is when the surrogate uses her eggs and is artificially inseminated with sperm from the intended father or a donor. Because her eggs are used, she will be genetically connected to the baby. There are several legal and emotional concerns with this form of surrogacy, therefore, it is not commonly pursued.
Compensated Surrogacy: This is a surrogacy arrangement in which the surrogate is paid an agreed-upon amount for her services.
Altruistic Surrogacy: Is when the surrogate is only compensated for surrogacy-related expenses.
It’s also recommended that you think about your goals and start drafting your surrogacy plan. When working on your plan, you will need to think about the kind of intended parents or surrogate you would like to work with, the type of relationship would you like to have once the baby is born, and much more.
Find a Match
Once ready, it’s time to find your ideal match. This phase is probably one of the most exciting parts of the whole journey. It’s important not to rush, to make sure you find your surrogacy soul mate, because you will have a very close relationship with your surrogate/intended parents for at least twelve months.
When looking for intended parents or a surrogate, it’s vital that you define your expectations for the journey, and make sure that the other party has the same expectations. A good surrogacy plan will be a boon during this phase.
Medical and Psychological Screening
After the matching, one of the less pleasant phases begins. The surrogate will need to undergo a medical screening and psychological evaluation to confirm that she is in good shape and is psychologically ready to pursue a surrogacy journey.
Complete the Surrogacy Contract
While surrogacy is an exciting journey, there are always ups and downs to navigate; the surrogacy contract will help to protect all parties.
This legal document sets out the rights and obligations of, both, the surrogate, and the intended parents. The agreement also outlines the parentage to be assigned to the child once it is born. Each party should have individual legal representation, so that they can receive personalized advice and protection of their rights. Once both parties agree, the contract is signed.
Fertility Treatment and Pregnancy
Once the surrogate has been cleared by the fertility doctor, and the contract has been drafted and signed, a nurse at the IVF clinic will schedule the various phases of the IVF cycle. The treatment will vary depending on whether a fresh or frozen embryo transfer will be done.
Fresh Embryo Transfer
For a fresh embryo transfer, the egg donor and surrogate will have to synchronize their cycles. After the egg retrieval, the eggs will be fertilized, and then an embryo will be transferred to the surrogate.
Frozen Embryo Transfer
In a frozen embryo transfer, frozen fertilized eggs from a previous IVF are thawed and transferred to the surrogate. About ten days after the embryo transfer, the surrogate will be tested (via blood test) to confirm pregnancy.
If pregnancy is confirmed, an ultrasound will be done about six weeks later to confirm the heartbeat. Normally, after this ultrasound, the surrogate will be released to her OBGYN to continue with the typical prenatal care, checkups, and ultrasounds. However, if there are complications, a different approach might be recommended.
Welcoming the New Baby
The most exciting moment of the surrogacy journey, the birth is truly a life-changing experience for, both, the prospective parents, and the surrogate. Typically, the parents will accompany the surrogate to the hospital or meet her there, per their arrangement.
David Bull is the founder of MySurrogateMom, an online surrogacy community dedicated to everyone considering pursuing a surrogacy process in the US and Canada. He is a passionate advocate of surrogacy education and access for all seeking their third-party path to parenthood.
Website: MySurrogateMom.com is an independent surrogacy community designed to connect intended parents, surrogates, and egg donors. Finding the right match is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help people connect with their surrogacy soulmate. Everything we do is meant to bring members together and help them in their search for this special person.
The month of March is Endometriosis Awareness Month.
I am one of the millions of women in the world who has endometriosis. A year and a half ago, I had a hysterectomy. I wasn’t given much of a choice in the matter due to the fact that I had stage 4 endometriosis as well as adenomyosis of the uterus. Aside from one ovary, all of my reproductive organs were removed via an open abdominal incision. The endometrial tissue that was growing on the inside of my pelvis, intestines, bladder and bowel was scraped and burned off with the hopes of it never returning.
Following the hysterectomy, I was finally able to experience freedom from the pain of endometriosis that had plagued me for years.
The recovery period following my hysterectomy was one of the toughest struggles I have ever experienced. The surgery was invasive and there were complications. Worst of all, neither my doctor nor I predicted that the outcome would be nearly as bad as it was. We were blindsided with a “worst case scenario.” Being unprepared for a hysterectomy made the recovery difficult, both physically and emotionally.
In The Hospital
I gripped my morphine drip with an iron fist. I don’t remember much in those first 48 hours, aside from getting the bad news. Since I did not go into the hospital on that Friday morning expecting to come out of it with a hysterectomy and a 5 day hospital stay, I was not in the least bit prepared. I hadn’t packed a change of clothes, a toothbrush or a phone charger. Even though my husband did his best to bring me what I needed, the loss of control made me feel anxious and on edge the entire time.
I had lost a lot of blood during the surgery, but I wasn’t given a transfusion until three days later. Perhaps it was because they wanted to see if I would recover without one, which I didn’t. I was weak, dizzy and my breathing was even faint due to a lack of oxygen in my blood. At night, I would wake up gasping for air. After the blood transfusion I began to feel a lot better.
They finally removed the catheter but peeing was next to impossible. A tiny trickle came out at best. Getting out of bed to go the bathroom and back again took every ounce of strength I had. By that evening, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t make it to the bathroom or pee at all and the nurses had to use a straight catheter to empty my bladder. Two straight catheters later, they decided to put the Foley catheter back in for the night.
I was supposed to go home. I was somewhat mobile, able to pee on my own, made a bowel movement, had been off of morphine for 24 hours and even managed to take a shower. They replaced the morphine with T3’s for pain management instead. But later that afternoon, I began to feel dizzy, weak, nauseated and had shortness of breath in addition to a drop in blood pressure. Turns out I had a reaction to the codeine in the T3’s. I stayed an extra night to be on the safe side.
I finally got discharged from the hospital five days after my sudden hysterectomy. It was a two hour drive home and my husband and sister had padded the seat in our vehicle with pillows and blankets so that I would be as comfortable as possible. The nurses gave me a dose of painkillers right before wheeling me out and buckling me in. I vaguely remember the drive but it felt good to be home.
The First Two Weeks
At the hospital I was given Heparin shots regularly, but now I was supposed to get up out of bed and walk around as much as possible to avoid getting a blood clot. Since we live in a split-level house I was mostly contained to the upper level, so I did laps around my bed and in the hallway.
The only way I was truly comfortable was with a pillow under my head, one under each of my arms, and one across my stomach which I had to apply pressure to anytime I tried to use my abdominal muscles (which is so much more than you realize).
They give you a few stool softeners in the hospital but you’ll need them for far longer. Since my bowel, bladder and intestines had all been “scraped” of endometrial tissue and adhesions, they too, were swollen and trying to heal. Going to bathroom was something I dreaded having to do.
Going up and down stairs was a task that I didn’t even tackle until the second week. You really don’t realize how painful it can be on your incision to take a step up or down. It pulls on the stitches and stretches everything from the inside. One step at a time, with slow movements and regular breaks was the only way to manage them.
Six Weeks Later
My grandmother had come to stay with us during my recovery period and she was an absolute blessing. She took care of the kids, cooked, cleaned and delivered my favorite foods and tea to my bedside on a regular basis. She, too, had a hysterectomy in her 30’s and so she knew the pain I was in and refused to let me lift a single finger.
So when the six week mark hit, I expected all this hysterectomy business to be behind me. But I was still in pain. It hurt to bend over, and even just to stand for any length of time. It still hurt to go to the bathroom and I was exhausted all day long even though I wasn’t doing anything. I was apparently well enough to drive but moving my foot from the gas pedal to the brake caused pain by my incision.
By this time, my grandmother returned home and it was just me and the kids, resuming our normal, everyday activities. My husband hated to see me in pain and was anxious for me to recover. He asked me every single day if I was doing better. I wasn’t. I was struggling so hard to get back into things. But I told him “yes” so that he wouldn’t worry. It took at least eight weeks before the pain finally ceased. It still hurt to lift or bend, but for the majority of the day, I didn’t think about it.
The Next Year
The Absence of Blood
If there is one major benefit to a hysterectomy for a woman in her 30’s, it’s the end of periods for good. Prior to my hysterectomy, I bled for 6 weeks straight. I started to get a rash from having to wear pads and tampons continuously for so long. But in the last year since, I haven’t had to think about a single drop of blood.
Believe it or not, it was something that I needed to get used to. For 20 years, I’ve had to worry about waking up to blood stained sheets or dealing with bloody messes all over the bathroom. I still find myself checking the toilet paper after I wipe for traces of blood, but there’s never any there.
Yes, my lonely solo ovary still ovulated. At least, I believe that it did, but I no longer had a cervix or menstrual cycle to help me determine for sure. Further research confirmed that symptoms of ovulation post hysterectomy were:
Since that one ovary was still ovulating and producing estrogen, these symptoms did not stop post hysterectomy. But a sole ovary will only be able to hold down the fort for so long, so I have had to accept the fact that menopause will come to me sooner rather than later.
Many women express a decrease in their sex life following a hysterectomy. But not having to worry about getting pregnant actually made it all the more enticing for me. Even though I was still ovulating, I didn’t need to track my cycle or worry about what form of birth control to use. Although it took some time to accept the fact that I would never have another baby, part of me was relieved to never have to worry about any of the baby-making parts again.
A hysterectomy did provide me with a sense of freedom from endometriosis. For the first time, in a very long time, I enjoyed a summer with my family and was able to do all the things that I never could before. I could go camping or to the beach and not have to worry about changing a tampon in the middle of the woods. I had energy and was no longer in an obscene amount of pain so I could keep up with my kids for a change. I danced and swam and ran around and hiked and rode a bike. I was able to live my life, without pads or pills or a heat pack.
Among all my newfound freedom, however, there was a looming sense of emptiness. The lack of periods was a constant reminder of my traumatic experience. I hadn’t quite come to terms with the loss of my uterus yet. The more I thought about it, the more I felt empty, infertile and dried up. I would hear or see other women complain about having cramps and asking for a tampon and while I was glad those days were behind me, I also felt like less of a woman.
18 Month Update
A little over a month ago, I suddenly experienced a sharp pelvic pain. I followed up with a doctor who said it was likely caused by a small hernia along my incision and ordered me to rest for a few weeks. He also warned me that it could be caused by scar tissue and/or adhesions. If the pain persisted I was to come back for further tests.
Obviously, as a mother of three, trying to get enough rest was near impossible. I did my best to not bend, lift or strain myself but the pain was persistent. Within two weeks, it had spread across my entire pelvis and lower back… and it was all too familiar.
So now, 18 months post hysterectomy, I wait for more doctor’s appointments to find out if the endometriosis has returned.
Overall, my quality of life has improved since having the hysterectomy. At the time, it was traumatic and difficult to deal with. But even with the possibility of the endometriosis returning, I have no regrets. The hysterectomy gave me a chance at freedom, even if it was short lived.
You wouldn’t know by looking at me, but I have suffered from chronic pain for over 5 years.
I was recently diagnosed with a medical condition called endometriosis. It took over a year, five different doctors, several ER visits, countless tests and a long list of medications to finally get an answer. In the end, it was too late anyway and I lost the majority of my reproductive organs.
And while I want to blame the medical system for failing me, I can’t deny the fact that I ignored the pain for FOUR YEARS before deciding to do something about it.
As a mother, there are so many reasons why I didn’t feel my pain was a priority. Prior to having children to take care of, I’m sure it would have been a major concern and perhaps I would have gotten a diagnosis sooner rather than later.
Here are some reasons why mothers don’t speak up about chronic pain.
1. We put others first
One of the most distinguishable characteristics of a mother is that they put others before themselves. The more people we have to take care of, the more our own needs get bumped to the bottom of the list. And some most days that list never gets completed. So while we might have every intention of taking care of ourselves, there just aren’t enough hours left over at the end of the day after taking care of everyone else.
2. We don’t want to scare our children
I will never forget the fear in my daughter’s eyes when she came to visit me in the hospital, hooked up to machines and IV’s and unable to move. In an attempt to protect my children from seeing their mother in such a vulnerable state, I kept quiet about my pain around them. When they think back on their childhood, I wouldn’t want them to remember me in constant pain and not able to do anything fun with them.
3. We hate to let people down
We want to be supermom, as unattainable as it might be. We want to be there for our kids and our spouses, our families and friends. We want to bake the perfect cupcakes for the bake sale and volunteer at every charitable event. We want to cheer our kids on from the sidelines and chase after them at the playground. We want to go on family vacations together. Dealing with chronic pain means we probably won’t get to do all of those things and so we push through it just to avoid disappointing anyone.
4. Nothing compares to childbirth
Sure, you’re in pain, but it’s not as bad as childbirth. It’s worse if you’ve given birth without any drugs because then you’re expected to be able to handle anything. But chronic pain and labor pain are two entirely different things.
Labor pain is a right of passage with an amazing reward at the end. All mothers have had a chance to experience it in some way or another, it’s just part of life.
Chronic pain means something is wrong. It is not a welcome pain, and there is no end in sight. Add in the psychological trauma that comes along with wondering WHY you’re in pain and it’s a whole different monster.
5. It’s hard to ask for help
This rings true for most people, not just mothers suffering from chronic pain. To ask for help means putting aside our pride, which is something most mothers have a very difficult time doing. We are proud of the home we’ve kept and the children we’ve raised. We’ve got a system and routine and we can’t expect just anyone to come in and take over. If we admit that we need help, then we’re no longer in the running for supermom.
6. No one knows how to to do what we do
I’m not even sure what I do all day. All I know is that no one else knows how to do it. So if my husband asks me what needs to be done, I couldn’t tell him. I just get up in the morning and do what I do. I see something that needs to be done and I do it. There is no master list. There is no “how-to guide” to being a stay at home mom. And even if I wrote out a to-do list, it would probably need to be changed at least 12 times because… toddlers.
7. We’re afraid to miss out
These kids grow up so fast. We’re afraid to blink for fear of missing out on something and so taking time off to deal with our chronic pain is out of the question. As much as we want alone time, we also want to be there to experience it all. We want to see that excited expression on their faces when experiencing something new. We want to hear their hysterical laughs while playing at the park or watching a funny movie. We don’t want to miss out on our children’s childhood because of chronic pain.
8. We’ve tried all the home remedies
We are lucky to live in a world where we have so many choices when it comes to our health. If you want to know what all of those options are, then all you need to do is mention to someone that you suffer from chronic pain. Product recommendations, home remedies, naturopathic solutions, CBD oil, essential oils, vitamins, etc., are all wonderful and often welcome suggestions… at first. And we get that people want to help but, after a while, we’re tired of being targeted by those selling some type of miracle product that promises to cure all that ails us.
9. We hate being labeled
Complainers. Hypochondriacs. Unhealthy. Drug addicts. There are many people who use pain as an excuse. Those people make things much harder for the rest of us who are in actual pain. We don’t speak up about chronic pain because there are so many people who don’t understand it. It’s not just about what others think of us, it’s about how we are treated. For five years I suffered from chronic pain but was still able to do anything and everything and I often wonder if things would have been different if I was more vocal about my pain.
The cause of chronic pain is less important than how it affects your life. Many people have no choice but to speak up about their chronic pain and ask for help. But for some mothers, myself included, we are afraid to show weakness. We don’t want to be a burden. And so we keep it inside and go it alone.
It doesn’t have to be this way. If you’re reading this and felt like I was talking to you, maybe it’s time to let your guard down. Seek help and let those in your life know that you are suffering. If they truly love you, they won’t think any less of you and will want to do whatever they can to ease your pain.