6 Ways to Make Sleep Training a Positive Experience

Are you dreading the thought of sleep training? 

With all of the horror stories floating around out there, it’s hard not to… Sleep training isn’t easy.  As a parent, it’s one of the first opportunities to teach a child how to do something on their own, so it’s a task riddled with pressure, questions and self-doubt.  If sleep training feels like the right decision for your family, then there’s no need to fear it.  A positive sleep training experience is entirely possible.

Here are some tips for a positive sleep training experience.
6 Ways to Make Sleep Training a Positive Experience
* This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust. ** Furthermore, I am not a sleep training expert, just a mother who’s been there and lived to tell the tale.

1. Make the bedroom a sanctuary

“Go to your room” is something I heard a thousand times growing up as a kid, and I’m guilty of saying it to my older children now.  But when it comes to sleep training, the bedroom should never be used as a place for punishment to avoid associating it with something negative.  Designate a different room or area for time-outs.  The bedroom should be a safe and comfortable place.

Before (and throughout) the sleep training process, spend plenty of time in the baby’s room playing or reading books and never force baby to stay in their crib or their room if they clearly don’t want to. 

The more comfortable baby is in their room, the less they will dread it at bedtime.

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2. Start early

Babies are actually born with naturally good sleep habits. They sleep when they feel tired and don’t know any different.  Sleep training a younger baby can make for a positive sleep training experience.  While young babies don’t sleep for long stretches, they do normally fall asleep on their own without much of a struggle.

Encourage that behavior – because the ability to fall asleep without help is the KEY to sleep training!

Newborn Sleep Training
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3. Conduct trial runs at nap time

While daytime sleep should be different from nighttime sleep, naps are a good way to get a feel for what sleep training will be like.  The daytime is much less intimidating to begin sleep training.  Both parent and baby will be somewhat more well rested than at the end of the day and there’s not as much pressure to get it right since naps are much shorter sleep periods.

While there’s no need to perform an entire bedtime routine at nap time, the key things to practice will be putting baby to sleep in the same place where they’ll be sleeping at night, and putting baby down while they are drowsy but not actually asleep.

If you can successfully get baby to go down for a nap on their own, then you’ll have a lot more confidence moving onto to bedtime.

4. Choose a realistic bedtime routine

Obviously sleep training involves some level of sacrifice, at least at first.  But that doesn’t mean you should be wearing yourself out every night with baths and massages and stories and missing out on your social life.  A bedtime routine doesn’t need to be elaborate.

Consistency is the key to a good bedtime routine so keep it simple and achievable.  It could be the simple task of changing into pajamas and reading a special book (check out this list of the best bedtime books). Or maybe there’s a lullaby you like to sing.  Even a special stuffed animal or blanket that’s reserved specifically for bedtime can do the trick.  Diffusing some calming essential oils around bedtime can also help to calm the minds of both parent and child.  Try to find one thing that soothes and calms each of the five senses.  These simple habits, when done consistently, will give your baby the signal that it’s bedtime, no matter where you are or what time it is.

Having the option to be flexible in your baby’s bedtime routine will keep you from resenting the task altogether.

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5. Eliminate the pressure

There is SO much pressure on parents to get sleep training just right.  A common question new parents often hear is “is the baby sleeping through the night yet?” implying that something is wrong if they aren’t.

And if that wasn’t pressure enough, there’s also so much contradictory information about sleep training.  Everyone has a method that they promise is the BEST and you always seem to be on the wrong side of the cry-it-out vs no-cry-it-out debate.

Accepting that all babies are different and sleep training is not a competition, or even a milestone, will help to take some of the pressure out of it.  Sleep training will only be successful if both parent and baby are ready, and not because another baby who’s the same age or weight (even a sibling) was ready.  Whatever method you choose to sleep train your baby should be the one that works for your baby and your family and no one else’s.

Remember that sleep training is not an all or nothing situation. It’s perfectly fine to take a break and try again another time.

Avoid the Stress of Sleep Training
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6. Ask for help

Sleep training is not for everyone.  Some babies have a much harder time sleeping than others and it can lead to a very unpleasant experience.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you’re struggling with it.

While it’s great to have your spouse or partner around to tag team during those late nights, a friend to talk to (especially another mom who’s been there and done that) can do wonders for building up your confidence.

If the sleep deprivation is really getting to you and you’ve tried every method of sleep training without success, it could be time to call in an expert.

Should You Hire a Sleep Training Professional?
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Read my review of The Baby Sleep Site for more information about getting a professional sleep consultation.

The Trick to Sleep Training

There’s a parenting image we need to get out of our minds – it’s that one where the parent puts the sleeping baby down in the crib and then does some elaborate dance to make it out of the bedroom without making a sound so baby doesn’t wake up…

The trick to sleep training is that it isn’t a trick.

In my personal experience, teaching a child how to go to sleep on their own is just as important as teaching them all the other basic life skills like brushing their teeth or tying their shoes.

Ideally children should learn to be independent sleepers and not need to rely on rocking, shushing or cuddling.

BUT…

Leaving a baby to figure it out and cry themselves to sleep doesn’t teach them anything.


In Part One of my Sleep Training Guide, I offer a sample routine that I used with each of my three newborns in order to build a solid sleep foundation.

Part Two of the Sleep Training Guide is aimed at babies over 6 months old who tend to be more curious about the world around them and try to test their limits.  Here are my best tips and advice for dealing with sleep regression, bedtime barriers, and staying positive throughout the sleep training process.

The Trick to Sleep Training
*This post contains affiliate links which means that if you click on one of these links and buy a product, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I love from companies that I trust. ** Furthermore, I am not a sleep training expert, just a mother who’s been there and lived to the tell the tale.  

Sleep Regression

Between 4 – 6 months babies go through their first major sleep regression (and roughly every 3 months after that until they graduate from high school).

It may be related to new teeth, illness, change in environment or routine – or it could be caused by absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Trying to sleep train during a sleep regression is like taking one step forward and two steps back, so my advice would be to wait until the sleep regression is over and baby is back to their normal routine to start any major sleep training.

Check out this post from shrewdmommy.com for more information on sleep regression.

A Fuller Stomach

6 months marks the big achievement of solid foods!!!  While your baby will be eating an array of new foods, keep in mind that they will still be very dependent on milk for the next few months so don’t expect a “fuller stomach” to suddenly help them sleep longer at night.

Adding new foods to your baby’s diet can also cause changes in their activity levels and bowel habits which could alter your routine as well.

Your baby will be much more efficient at eating and may not need that middle of the night feeding anymore.

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An Overactive Brain

Baby is discovering so many new things and will be much more active during the day.  They will learn to (if they haven’t already) fight sleep in order to stay awake and play longer.

Over and under stimulation can affect how your baby sleeps at night.

Unlike newborns who can sleep in any conditions, older babies tend to wake easier and may be particular about where and when they sleep.

Distractions can work for you here.  Try a projection night light, sound machine, stuffed animal, blanket, book or anything that will take your child’s mind off the fact that they are deliberately fighting sleep.  Try not to cuddle, rock or feed baby to sleep.  The idea is that it should be something that can soothe them when you are not around.

Try aromatherapy!  There are several essential oils designed to help soothe and calm the mind at bedtime. Rocky Mountain Oils makes a kid-safe sleep blend called Counting Sheep.  Roll it right on, or put a few drops in a diffuser.

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A Change in Energy Levels

The older your baby gets, the less sleep they will need during the day.  Make sure that they have been awake for at least 2 hours before bedtime (and longer as they get older).

It’s important to give them enough stimulation and exercise throughout the day (fresh air always works wonders to help children sleep better).

You can spread out their naps during the day but you don’t want your child to be overtired.  An overtired child is a cranky child and a cranky child is an uncooperative child.  And trust me, you’re going to need their full co-operation at bedtime!

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The Bedtime Protest

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You want your baby to watch you leave the room and be OK with it. You can give baby a little rub on the belly and say good night and then walk out of the room.

Do not try to sneak out of the room.  We don’t want to trick baby into going to sleep on their own.  And the last thing we want is for them to suddenly realize that we’ve left them and then freak out.

Do not feel sorry for them because they are alone.  Sleep is a natural part of life and their bodies know this.  They will follow your lead so if you seem stressed or feel sorry for them they will sense that.

If they instantly start to cry, wait a minute or two to see if they settle down on their own.

If their cry intensifies, then go back into the room and assure them that you are there and that it’s bedtime.  Try not to pick baby up right away, instead try another distraction.

If they seem very distraught and upset then pick them up, console them and once they are calm you can try again.  You want to make sure that both you and baby are calm when you put them to bed.  If you have to, nurse them again or read a short book but don’t force them to stay in their crib if they clearly don’t want to.

If you and/or baby start to feel overly stressed out by this routine then try again another night.  We don’t want either of you to associate any negative feelings with bedtime.  If this has gone on for 2 or 3 nights in a row then take a week off and try again.

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Night Time Waking

If baby wakes up in the middle of the night – wait 1 -2 minutes and really listen to their cry before going to them.

If they are just fussing and still sound half asleep, continue waiting.

If they suddenly let out one loud cry or scream, wait a few seconds to hear if more follows.

If their cry starts to escalate then go in and reassure them, offer a distraction and leave the room again.

If they seem very distraught and upset, then pick them up, console them (feed them if necessary) and once they are calm you can try again.

The listening and waiting can be key to helping your baby go back to sleep on their own.  Oftentimes babies cry in their sleep. I remember many nights where I lay in bed listening to my baby’s cry on the monitor, finally deciding to get up and go to them and as soon as I put my hand on their bedroom doorknob they went back to sleep.  I learned to wait an extra 30 seconds the next time.  Download the Baby Monitor 3G app if you have two compatible devices – a great option for travelling!

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Stay Positive!

Bedtime battles can be so frustrating.  Staying positive is so important, but it’s easier said than done.  If babies and kids sense frustration or negativity at bedtime they will think of it as something to fear and they will fight you every time.

Consistency is key.  Sticking to a bedtime routine means baby will know what to expect and when.  Eventually, it won’t be so scary anymore – it will just be something that’s done every night.

Don’t pressure yourself if it isn’t working.  Stress and sleep deprivation make for a bad combo.  Take some time away from sleep training to get your positive energy back.

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Consider Help From an Expert

It’s alright to ask for help.  Sleep deprivation and stress can contribute to (and worsen) postpartum depression and other maternal mental health problems.  While having help and support from family and friends is important, it can be extremely beneficial to seek help from a certified sleep training specialist.

Sites like The Baby Sleep Site offer personalized sleep plans designed specifically for your child and focused on the areas that you need help with.  Even if you choose not to purchase a sleep plan, you can become a member and access tons of great tools and resources available in their Members Area.  Read my review of The Baby Sleep Site to get a sneak peek at what’s included in the Members Area and find out more information about their consultation packages..

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Have you read PART ONE yet?  Even if your baby is older than 6 months, you can still get some important tips and advice on sleep training!
How to Start Sleep Training The Moment You Bring Baby Home
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